September 12
What would it be like to have a beautiful day all day?
1977
7:30 AM. Before I head off to work, I better put down the thoughts buzzing inside my brain. There are other things I should be thinking about, and this is getting in the way. I may be able to arrange Wednesdays free next semester, if my schedule works out right. I want to contact Claudia Kidwell at the Smithsonian and see if I can volunteer there. Then perhaps I can work out something for credit or $$$ for the summer. There. Now I'm free to go to work and think about publicity for the department.
1984
It’s another Wednesday at home. I seem to have finally dropped the pretense of “working at home”, at least office-type work. If Maryland gets 40 hours of work a week right now, that’s plenty. I get a lot done in the time I have, so the bottom line is…what more do they get? (Want? Deserve? Require?)
When Kiddo is in school I will have more time on Wednesdays, which I will be able to do either here or at the library. Of course, by the time she is I school I might (a) have tenure here, (b) be somewhere else
1985
I decided to apply to the VPI department head job. And in what amounts to a real exercise in ego, I am already agonizing over the decision to move there. I'm not sure if I'm ready to be an administrator. There's so much I have to learn… though I do think I have the potential to do it. But I also think I lack maturity and some of the people skills that I expect administrators to have. Is that really something that could be learned on the job? Or do I either have it or not? Oh well. I have applied. Now it's up to them.
1986
Very early in the morning. Woke up and never got back to sleep. Then my nose started to drip, then my stomach started to growl. So I got up and took an antihistamine, had some crackers and milk, and read for a while. By the time I get back to sleep it'll be 4:30, I suspect. The baby has been noodling around inside. His movement patterns have been different from Kiddo 1’s as I remember them. Moves all over the place. Kiddo 1 just sat there and kicked me in the ribs all the time. It's fun to feel him move. I worry that he'll be neglected. Kiddo 1 got a lot of attention, even when I was working. But this one will also have a doting sister (by all the signs) and a father who is likely to be more at ease with babies this time around.
Insomnia wasn't a problem last time, this time it has been. Maybe it's the allergies, too. In a way I enjoy being the only one awake. So peaceful.
1991
My current thinking is that a joint appointment in Consumer Economics and American Studies might work. It would give me time to further assess the situation. Then I could either maintain a joint appointment or shift entirely to one or the other.
1997
Will there ever come a time when the cobwebs are all swept, the dishes are all done, the checks are all written, the calls are all made, etc. etc. and life can simply hover motionless for a just a little while?
Every morning I look out this window into the canopy of the backyard, and think “what a beautiful day”. And it usually is, but the only time I notice is that one glimpse. What would it be like to have a beautiful day all day?
2019
Today I went to the pool, but just took a shower. Went to the AT&T store, had lunch at Noodles and had a nice chat with an old friend at the library. Also got some work done and picked up a book from interlibrary loan.
Last night I had a terrible anxiety dream that probably had something to do with the chapter that's kicking my butt.
Comment 2023
Chapter 2. It’s always Chapter 2.
2020
I suck. I totally messed up my part for the Sunday service. Trying to turn it into an “oh, well”. But mostly feeling like I suck. I wish I could still sing.
Comment 2024
During the pandemic, the choir went online, recording our parts individually and then sending them to our (amazingly talented) music director to be stitched together for our live service on Zoom. Listening to my own voice, without the protection of the rest of the choir, was a horrible, humbling experience. I thought I would always have a voice. It turns out that like everything else, it has an expiration date.
2023
It’s interesting how my longing for peace, solitude, and space keep showing up in these entries. “Now” is good; it’s been ages since I applied for anything, which I consider a win. No more grants, no more new jobs or positions. No more abstracts submitted to professional conferences. Nada. Correction: I did have to submit a proposal for the short course I am offering here later this fall. But it was so low-stakes, it didn’t even register in the same way. Ah-h-h-h-h-h.
2024
Thanks for reading, whoever you are!