November 29, 1964
Some girl named Caroline was on today and does she keep you busy! It’s better than when SD is on. I just found out — J is illegitimate. I never knew that! She’s getting spoiled now - she orders everyone around. She and a boy named Danny, whose legs are broken, were drag-racing down the halls in their wheelchairs. I hope I get to go back soon and I hope that when I do Caroline will be on.
I wanted to get up at 6 with Mom, but didn’t get up until 9:30! Oh, well.
November 29, 2022
And now you see why I was uneasy about sharing J’s story. That sentence reveals so much about attitudes about sex in early 60s, especially about the stigma and shame around having a child out of wedlock. Let me rephrase that: the stigma and shame about being that child. Premarital sex had only a few possible outcomes. Two could be managed in private: illegal (and dangerous) abortion, or going away (as several classmates did “to visit an aunt”) and then giving the child up for adoption. Once the girl came home, there might be rumors about abortions and adoption, but only a few people would know the truth. Still, adoption was not completely without stigma; it was not uncommon for the child to be shielded from the “shame” of illegitimacy by not being told they were adopted. Then there were the public outcomes: marriage and single motherhood. My recollection was that the minimum age at which a couple could marry with parental consent was 14 for the male, 12 for the female. At any rate, one of my neighbors (aged 14) married his 13-year-old girlfriend when she became pregnant. Single mothers were very, very rare in our small town, so learning J’s story was truly shocking to me.
There are Americans who sincerely believe these were the “good old days”. I cannot agree. Griswold vs. Connecticut removed government restrictions on contraceptives (for married couples, at first and later for anyone). Single motherhood became more accepted, for a variety of reasons. Roe vs. Wade decriminalized abortion. Yes, I see every one of these changes as progress. Progress towards a word with fewer 13-year-old mothers or girls who died from those illegal abortions. Progress toward erasing the stigma of being adopted. Progress toward providing single mothers with support, not shame.I read the news in 2022 and wonder if 2024 will be a return to 1964. For all the little girls, I hope not.