May 29
Sunrise, sunset, swiftly flow the years. A lotta years.
1965
No entry; 1965 Jo was taking it easy.
1978
The Last Day of Vacation. We walked to the grocery store late this morning, then I practiced the piano while Jim defrosted the refrigerator. He was very helpful, pausing to give me suggestions about my exercises.
I finished Balzac’s The History of the Thirteen. The last story of the three was not as good as the 1st two. Perhaps I am missing a great deal by skimming over the description and the social comment. If he had been more general, it would be more interesting now. But since he was doing a detailed analysis of his times, he goes into the subject much more thoroughly than I can deal with. I am only now realizing that one is not required to read every line, every work.
I am also realizing that it is ok to be able to do work in black and white. Carols’ watercolors kept reappearing in my mind, and I would feel so frustrated at not being able to do the same. But ink is just fine…perhaps a little color here and there, too.
I wrote a letter to cousins George and Kathleen. Horrible handwriting (just like now). I am afraid that my handwriting reveals all my inner disequilibrium and flaws. (See that? Can’t even manage final esses.) The truth is that I am usually writing too damn fast. Each word looks fairly good, but the lines go up and down beyond my control.
Cooked dinner and watched (too much) TV, and now waiting for Jim to finish the dishes so we can go to bed. I have cramps. I hear marijuana helps, tho it seems hard to believe.
Marley comes home tomorrow!
2023 Comment
Now I remember why I wait to play the piano until Jim goes to pickleball.
1979
Qualifying exams are over and done with. Oh, the humiliation! D’s one questions was the killer. I don’t know how badly it can hurt me. I suppose it’s silly to worry about, as I doubt they will really fail any one of us. I was horribly upset and depressed this afternoon, but that is dissipating now. I WILL understand statistics! I will, I will! The very idea irritates me. That question was totally out of line. Or maybe I am just ignorant in that one area. Maybe I am so ignorant I don’t even realize I did a passing job. (That’s a laugh.)
And so to sleep.
2023 Comment
I eventually understood statistics well enough to use some basic stuff in my dissertation. And promptly forgot it all.
1980
Turned down URI last night. I still feel very sad/guilty about it. Not so long ago I would have loved to go there. I still would. But not yet. Someday. I have been feeling very punk…even devoured poor Peter Wimsey in a few hours. (Rationalizing all the way.)
2023 Comment
When I finished my PhD, I was the only fashion historian who earned a doctorate that year in the entire country, just when textiles programs were starting to insist on them. There were three positions open and just one me. When we moved to Maryland, our plan was for me to finish my degree and then we would go back to Rhode Island, land of mild winters and fresh clams. They covered me a position, and would have even paid me more than Maryland was offering. But Jim had a good job here and the Smithsonian and the Library of Congress were a short Metro ride away. We stayed.
1983
B. Has raised some questions in my mind about the quality of care at Remy’s. Maybe it’s just that it’s easy to attribute any problems that arise to the babysitter. Kiddo’s been good so far, but she’s been getting more and more demanding of my attention - - not to play, just to cling. Is this a typical 1-year-old trait or an indication that she doesn’t get enough stimulation or affection from Remy? We’re down to two days a week now, so I’ll see if that helps at all. Part of it is that I’m not sure (as usual? Still?) how to amuse her, how to do what she likes, even how to tell what she likes. This whole parenting adventure is certainly an education.
1986
We are having a pleasant visit with old friends. The only problems are:
1: It’s real hard to get my work done under these circumstances
2: She has changed in a way I find unpleasant. Too materialistic, too superficial, too self-centered. Her attitude toward him is really abominable. “Lousy corporate spouse”, indeed.
I am more visibly pregnant. They must have guessed at work by now and are just being quiet about it. I’ve been really wiped out lately, between work and the heat and being pregnant. Whoosh!
1991
The sudden proposal to dissolve the college has thrown all into a cocked hat. It is an exciting and dangerous time. We keep having these long, nasty meetings, moving slowly towards some inevitable - and unknown - outcome.
2023 Comment
Oh, yeah. Reorganization was fun.
2003
I attended the Northwestern High School graduation yesterday, and got a preview of Kiddo 2’s grand exit one year from now. It was lovely, energized event, and I enjoyed shaking all those hands. I was reminded how hard his classmates lives are. So many young men with rough, callused hands, from manual labor. A visibly pregnant graduate, and how many more with babies and children in the audience? I hope Kiddo is aware of his own good fortune in having these classmates to be part of his education. These young people also deserve hope and goodness and our respect as human beings.
And then there were 3 (!) meetings on and off campus that were progressively worse, from the chaotic and infuriating, to the utterly unnecessary, to the uncomfortable and time-wasting. But now it’s over and I am home for another day of rain and gray (poop).
I am achey these days. My shoulder hurts. My neck is stiff, and my hips are acting up again. I need exercise. But I need sun and light and warmth to feel like exercising. Alas.
2023 Comment
Kiddo 2 chose to attend the neighborhood high school instead of one of the county magnets. Over 50% free/reduced lunch, 6% white. I’d run into folks from my town in the grocery store and they would either nod and roll their carts a little faster or ask, with deep concern, “How IS Kiddo doing at Northwestern.” He did fine. He joined the jazz band and It’s Academic, made friends, and learned some things about the world that have served him well.
2004
I think I am on the verge of a project that could result in a book and promotion. I am calling it “Acts of Diversity”, and I think of it as a personal exploration of how I have learned about diversity and difference by teaching it.
Comment 2024
Never happened! Probably would have been banned, anyway.
2016
On the train, somewhere between Pittsburgh and Cumberland. I am in the cell reception dead zone. The CSA meeting was very nice, but not in the way I expected. Most of the papers were good, but I avoided many sessions altogether. The Rock ’n Rock Hall of Fame was great, especially the behind the scenes tour. I almost didn’t go to the Western Reserve Museum, but am glad I did. Both the costume exhibit and the car collection were worth seeing. I do regret having so much beer.
I have not heard from Unilever, so am assuming that’s off. Just as well. No time now, with the Vestoj deadline staring me in the face.
My back and knees are a little sore, and my nose is dripping (as usual!) I am on the east/left side of the train and the sun is in my eyes and align across my paper. There are pink and white wildflowers blooming along the tracks, and the hillsides are very green after so many weeks of rain. I have seen no animals this time. On the way out, I saw a small flock of wild turkeys. We just passed a very promising clearing, but saw nothing. Maybe it is already too late in the day and they have all retreated into the woods.
I am definitely up for a nap when I get home. Here is another little town. Still in Pennsylvania, I think. I am listening to Tukur, Tukur. It’s such a tongue twister! “Fan” is available digitally. One more Bollywood film has disappeared from Netflix. But I can add DVDs for the summer and watch a dozen on so films I haven’t seen! They dropped Jab Tak Hai Jaan, which hurts. But I can satisfy myself by watching some of the videos. Apparently there will be a release of SRK’s next film in October. What are my chances that it will be when I am in North Platte?
So many meeting highlights of a personal nature. Old friends and new ones, great conversations, more heart-felt than I remember having. Not sure if that was me or them, but it felt good to be so open and candid, and to feel so connected. So many of my old colleagues are going through reorganization, which is sad. If it had to happen, I am glad it happened when it did. In my 40s, it was easier to adjust and it was possible to envision a new future. Clearly, for many of my friends, retirement is just a year or two away, so they are just treading water.
I do worry that my writing skills are not up to the task I have ahead of me. I say I want to write fiction or poetry but what comes out of my pen is something less. Too plain, too quiet, too stiff, too boring. I do need to write more. Morning papers are a start. And maybe not saying “do”, and just getting to the idea.
As in “I do need to write more” —> “I need to write more.”
2023 Comment
As you can tell, I was practicing “morning pages” at this time: three pages of free writing. These can be fascinating, if only for what bubbles up; in this case, the echo of my 1991 entry. The textiles program at Maryland was the first to go, in what ended up being the gradual dissolution of reorganization of countless others. For a while, every time I went to Costume Society, I would get cornered by yet another colleague asking for advice. I finally stopped going. I wasn’t just a gray eminence; I was a ghost.
2023
It’s a holiday weekend. We had a wonderful visit with family, including our first with our six-month-old great-grandson. The weather was pleasant, and the apocalypse held off for now. I wrote some good stuff and took some long walks. Hope you had a good one, too.
2024
I am simultaneously reading Judith Butler’s latest book, Who’s Afraid of Gender? and Philippa Gregory’s Normal Women while working on the current section of my own gender project. Smart or stupid? Time will tell.
