May 22

Sometimes I write the journals, sometimes my inner critic grabs the pen.

1965

O'Rourke's again. Talked to H almost all night, got $4. The Miss New Milford "Dog Shows" was tonight. There was no competition for beauty - they were all hags. Success lies in talent. A Warren girl won. Last year's Miss New Milford was talented and beautiful. There'll never be one like her again.

Comment 2023

According to Wikipedia, it also helped to be from Hartford.

1967

Well, I am 18 now. There was a boy that I met that I didn’t mention. His name is Gordie and he is a big, strong, gentle, blonde wrestler. He isn’t cute, but he is very kind and polite. Unfortunately, he’s just about as tall as I am, and his hair is slicked down.

1977

Well, I did manage to get some things done yesterday. The heat seems to get me down; I’d like to read more, but find myself getting sluggish and dopey, usually taking a nap.

Today was warm and sunny again. I don’t understand how the pollution can be so bad on a day like this. It seems so clear, not smoggy, as you might expect.

We played today - - - read the newspapers, then went to the Trolley Museum (a first for us) and P.G. Plaza. I’m working on several projects right now, from sketching “sewing” to this nebulous thing about the future. The range makes it hard, sometimes, to decide which to pick up. I’ve been fooling with the idea of developing a bra pattern for myself. While I am making progress, it is an incredible source of frustration. The material is delicate, and fitting along the way is nearly impossible. So when I get hot and itchy, I just have to drop it and switch.

Then there’s Jim’s shirt, my skirt, and Jim’s pants, all sewing projects set for this summer. (Hopefully to be done in the next few weeks.)

And now back to classes. I’m trying to build my skills, especially in terms of leading discussions, and I’m hoping this summer will help. Then there’s my American Studies class, which begins Tuesday, and makes me anxious. Will I still do well outside my familiar little pond? Will see. I am forcing this writing and getting hot and itchy. Time to switch.

1978

There is absolutely no doubt in my mind that there are hammocks in heaven!

Had an enjoyable, relaxing day here, read and experiencing the house. It really is a very restful environment. I’m not sure if it is the space or the huge windows that give it such a marvelous effect.

My nieces and I made sun prints this afternoon with the kit I got them. The result is quite nice, like blue prints only very coarse (little detail).

Read a book “The Book of Common Prayer”; it’s illuminating to see what Jim’s brother and sister-in-law read. It was not bad - - an absorbing plot, but in a very irritating, zig-zagging style. It generally progressed very haltingly, changing time and setting from one chapter to the next. (Guess what I won’t do in my novel?)

Comment 2023

Progress! First, I’m judging beauty pageants. Now, I take on Joan Didion’s writing style.

1985

Jim is already downstairs and I only have a few minutes to write, But he always puts away the dishes before he gets breakfast out which means I can’t do the tuna salad until he gets out of the way. I had a horrid dream last night, about being late for graduation and not having my gown with me. It was a typical “late for the train” dream, lots of frustration and rushing around. Never did get resolved! Being late really does annoy me, and it would appear my subconscious knows it.

Later..

It’s been a rather bruising day on my ego. Not really horrible, but - well - enough that I’ve again begun to question whether I really have the resources to have two children and also get tenure. But then, I think the only year that counts is this coming year. After that, an extra child won’t matter one way or another. Just in terms of my sanity. So…do I really have the resources to have two children and stay sane? Well, I think so. There are times when I do just try to very logically talk myself out of it. One child is easier, cheaper, simpler. Two will be harder, more expensive, more complicated. So why don’t I listen to myself?

Comment 2023

Sometimes I write the journals, sometimes my inner critic grabs the pen.

2019

Lovely productive day followed by beer at Streetcar 82 and a Habit burger with Jim. And some real conversation.  

2023

Today I write to my publisher and explain “How the book is going”.