May 19

That's a whole lot of birthdays.

May 19, 2024

1965

My birthday. I want Vince all wrapped up!!

I wrote that a long time ago. I don't mean it now.

For my birthday I got a new pocketbook. It's about time!

We also played softball in gym. Lotza fun. I think we won.

1977

Birthday, birthday. Actually, I am recording this at 7:30 am May 20. Is that cheating? I guess not. It was a very fine and invigorating birthday. I started with my TV yoga class, then went off to work. Got to park under a tree, so the car stayed fairly cool! Then went to McKeldin library to do errands and read back issues of The Futurist. Very interesting. One issue had a review of an intriguing book called The Art of Conjecture. Luckily, McKeldin had it. I’ve been reading it; it’s mostly philosophy, written by a futurist who knows Latin and seems to even think in Latin. At least he translates.

Then I went to the Student Union, got lost (after being here a year, I’m still getting lost). In the bookstore, I found my books for AMST 618. Five books! The man must think we are all wealthy. Humpf. Bought some nuts and went up into the lounge and ate nuts and read my book. The piped in music was Elton John and the like, very mellow.

Then I was off to the Undergrad library, to see a video tape on anything. There was time to see 2 or 3, but the first one was so good (on the Renaissance) that I wanted to preserve the effect. On my way out, I ran into Jan C, a nice person who has helped me with library sessions for my students. We talked; or rather, I played teacher to her student, telling her about the things I had found, She told me where to find the Juvenile section, as I was looking for Mary Poppins.

I went to the Juvenile library, found the first Mary Poppins book and read it through. The chairs were awful..after those nice eyeball chairs at Rhode Island Junior College, most chairs are a disappointment. I’ll bet Marley would like to crawl into one, too.

Leaving the library, I was met by a gust of wind, and I felt like Mary Poppins herself. It’s dawning on me that I always wanted to be Mary Poppins. Mysterious, pink-cheeked, powerful, coming and going with the wind.

I went home, after doing some things in the office, and took a really nice, refreshing nap. There had been a lotta mail, mostly dull. (Except Dad sent me a subscription to Sheet Music magazine for my birthday!) Jim came home with fresh-roasted peanuts, a dirty book, and 8 lovely red roses! Isn’t that just me? Tonight we are going Out To Dinner.

All-in-all, a very good and special day, from start to finish. I think 28 is going to be an excellent age to be. Oh my, a dangling infinitive. At least I didn’t split it.

1978

Well, it wasn’t an ambitious day like last year. The library was out, since it was closed for graduation. Becky backed out of lunch. The best way to describe the day is “ordinary”. Pleasant weather. I spent the morning cleaning, washing dishes, and ironing shirts. Then I took a shower and trimmed my hair. After lunch I drove Marley to the kennel, singing loudly to ward off all my guilt. I stopped at the office (no mail) and then went on various errands (beer for Rudi, shampoo for me). I splurged on myself - got a summer nightgown to wear on the trip. Lying here, I’m trying to remember. I think it’s the first nightgown I’ve owned in ten years. Up to now, it’s been t-shirts and Jim’s old pajama bottoms.

I practiced my very, very rusty piano and guitar skills. How I ever thought I had the slightest musical talent is beyond me.

1983

My 34^th birthday. That’s not possible. I don’t feel 34. I think I’m stuck at 31 or 32. I’ve liked being in my thirties, so far. I seem to be more credible in the eyes of others.

Classes are over, just one more exam remains. I’ve been looking forward to the end of the school year and now, with Mom living downstairs, it seems anticlimactic.I am still not relaxing, still not working my book.Odd how vacations look so different from a distance. I imagine myself leisurely and carefree, playing with Kiddo, going to the library, writing. Summer felt different from the school year when I was a kid, like waking up on Christmas morning. It had an aura all its own.

So much I need to do! So much I’ve left for the last minute! (As usual.)

(There follows a list of seven things I want to accomplish that summer.)

Comment 2024

As I recall, I managed to do half of them.

1984

Happy birthday to me. Today I am 35 years old. After many years of denying that I am concerned about age, even asserting that mature is better, this year I feel OLD. I look older, too, having lost lots of weight and just being fatigued from chasing Kiddo around. So here I am, on the threshold of middle age. (Figuring that goes from 40 to 60.) Why does it matter to me? When will it start to matter enough that I will be prompted to Do something about the book, the collection, etc., whatever?

1985

Having another child? That’s a fascinating proposition, kiddo, but then what won’t you do? (At work, that is?) The problem remains that much of my “office” or “work” time is desk time and that isn’t necessarily the best use of my time. A lot of that is letter-writing and other similar jazz. It’s hard to reduce it! If I get lots of research done this summer, I’ll need writing time next year.

That means discipline! Quiet time enforced from 9 to 10:30 on M and F at least, maybe taking Kiddo to daycare on Wednesday, also.

It’s writing time now, this summer, an article a month, plus more research. On the horizon:

JY thesis article

KJ Thesis article

CB thesis article

My Article on Little Lord Fauntleroy

SF thesis article

Co-authored article on eagle coverlets

Computerizing collections article

It’s so much easier to list them than to write them.

1986

37 years old! I’m really losing track of it, almost. I remember once looking and feeling order than I was (late teens), then from my mid-twenties on, looking and feeling younger. Lately I guess I feel about even. Mostly I think I look better than others my age. But it’s not real crucial, anyway.

It was a nice birthday.

Jim got me: Pride and Prejudice (VHS)

2 watches (one sporty, one not)

Jan got me: a plant and a loofah (!)

Mom got me a nice gauze blouse (clothes!)

Kiddo was nice and attentive.

We told her about the baby on Saturday. We were having a nice early morning cuddle in our bed, and it just seemed like a good time (I wanted us all there). I told her I had a baby inside and that it was only a teeny thing and had to grow. It would be coming out in December. She didn’t believe us, thought we were kidding. Then she seemed upset, and Jim said, “don’t you want a baby brother or sister?” And she said, “Not for a long time!” We assured her it would be a long time. A little later, she and I went out for a walk. She seemed very quiet, and I asked her if she was thinking about the baby. “Yes”, she said. Then she asked, “When the baby is this big (arms outstretched) can I take it to share day?” Sure, I said. At that, she was pleased, and has been pleased ever since. She wanted to save her old sneakers for the baby. She also was thinking of which toys to share. I said, “Yes, we’ll have to think go things the baby can play with and not get hurt.” And Kiddo smiled and said, “ME”!

1989

That’s right, folks, I’m 40. Amazing number. I like/don’t like it. I like the way I am at 40; I’m pleased with myself and my life. But I don’t like the feelings of mortality that being 40 brings. It was an ok birthday, special in small ways. We went for a family bike ride, completely outfitted in our brand-new helmets. That’s something I’ve looked forward to for a long time.

Life only goes in one direction, and you either die to go on with it.

Mom is depressed again; I wish I had some idea of how long it would take her to come out of it, But we never do…

1998

My 49^th birthday. Strange how you have to work to make your birthday special when you are grown up. But that doesn’t matter; the effort itself is a good thing.

I actually managed to do “the things that must be done” last Friday. The semester is creeping to a close.Or rushing, depending on when I think of it.

So my choices this morning are:

Adult Religious Education

Yard work

I think my mind is made up. It will be hot today, cooler for the rest of the week. So today is an indoor day. I will do church tasks this morning and then see J and M. Then I will take myself exercising one last time at Greenbelt. That sounds like an excellent plan. For now, I need to calm down and center myself.

49.

The 40s have been strange and unsettled. I struggled to stay above water. The worst part is that it is most of what my children will remember of me. Kiddo 1 may recall the more optimistic, more energetic me of my thirties, but all Kiddo 2 knows is the crazy lady I’ve been. Oh, well, people can change and I will change. I feel my life smoothing out, deepening like a lake. Having navigated the perilous passage through midlife, I am in a safe place for a while. I have no idea how long, but must enjoy the respite!

49.

Not so bad, really. My mother was 49 in 1971, with both of her children married, her son an expatriate in a faraway place, her husband slipping away from her after 27 years. I, too, have been married 27 years (nearly 28), but am growing closer to Jim and happier in our marriage. My father turned 49 in 1970, with his daughter living with her boyfriend, and his son gone to Canada as a draft resister. He must have felt like a colossal failure! No, 49 for me is not so terrible. I have a loving family, a satisfying family life, a strong church and work community, a job I adore, work I look forward to, 2 dogs that are the apple of my eye, financial security, and general good health. 49 is just fine.

Comment 2023

And then came my fifties and the sixties, which apparently sped by so fast that I didn’t have time to write about them. A while ago I said that I write about myself because I am so ordinary. I am not famous. Nor am I (thank heaven) infamous. My traumas are the usual ones; there will be no biopics. (Again, thank heaven.) This is all just a way to get to know myself. Thank you for joining me on the journey.

2008

Happy birthday to me! It must be; I am on a train.

2009

Sixty. Sixty. Sixty.

So what, on one level.

On another level, wow.

On yet another, i thank you god for most this amazing day

2023

Today I am 74. I have outlived my father, and am creeping up on my mother, who died at 75. But I am now living in a continuing care retirement community where most of my friends are older than me, many in their 80s and 90s. It’s a good inoculation against the self-hatred of ageism, if you keep your eyes, heart, and mind open.

I might be diving back into the unfinished Book 3, having received an email from the publisher asking essentially “Are you still there?”

Yep. Still here.

Comment 2024

Yes, I am back to chipping away on That Book.

2024

Now that’s what I call a Stack. Me at 16, 28, 29, 34, 35, 36, 37, 40, 49, 59, 60, 74 and now 75. Can you see how much I have changed? More on the outside than the inside.

Spiral Notebook

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