June 12

Back to Durward Kirby's house, and much later, a dissertation

1965

Tonight we went to Kirby’s. Marcia and I invited Bernadette, Susanne, Sandy S., Mary Ellen M.,Cindy J., Susy's sister and Marcia's brother, Brian. It was a blast. Rodney, the bass guitarist, kept looking at me. Dennis liked Marcia, and Joey was hypnotized by Susy (he's only 14). I danced with Brian and Kim H. Boy, does Kim dance c-l-o-s-e. I'll bet he knows now exactly how I looked undressed.

1978

Back to work. I had a good day today. I actually did everything on the list except read French. Which I am going to do before I go to sleep. I am trying to put in five hours a day at Turner this week, so I can have a whole day to myself on Friday

Got a good book The Practical Cogitator. It's billed as the thinkers anthology and I already enjoyed it at lunchtime. Example: “A man doesn't learn to understand anything unless he loves it.” Goethe

While I read it, I felt a rush of warm agreement; there have been several moments like that in this book. An economical purchase $2.75 a small price to pay for such an excellent companion.

1980

I have lots to do before leaving for New York tomorrow. I'm really getting excited!! I don't think I’ve looked forward to a trip so much in a long time. The thesis is nearly done with one draft. I should be defending in two months. Urg. Urg and oboy. I can't wait until it's over, and I can just get to work.

1987

A quiet minute or two right now when I don't feel like napping and it's a perfect time to think. It's warm, hazy, lazy, and slow here right now and there are a zillion things to do around the house. Plus work I've brought home. Kiddo 2 has been battling an ear infection off and on, has a fever today and seems off his feed. So my work schedule is rather iffy right now. I'm trying very hard to remember how I managed with Kiddo 1. Probably if I get two or three hours of work done a day when he's home, I'll be lucky. Right now, getting the house in shape is my number one priority. It has become unmanageable and annoying – – impossible to get anything done, I'm so busy being annoyed at the state of the house. The garden needs tending to, too, but that, alas, is way down on the list. The good news is that I have put me higher on the list this time. The things you learn. This baby is nice, but it will be nicer when he's less dependent on me. Well, thinking time is over, doing time is back!

2004

Left Union Station in DC right on time. By now this leg of the trip is pretty familiar. The first 10 miles or so follows my usual Metro ride along the Red Line. But once we get past Rockville, we are out in the country. Right now, I am settling in. I think I will just relax this evening. The dogs got us up early (5 am!) and I have been feeling stressed the last few days. I may do some reading, to start outlining my Denver talk in my head. Then it’s early to bed.

Do I really have the self-discipline to continue to have at least one Slim-fast meals a day? To exercise every day? Today I had a bowl of cereal for breakfast, a shake for lunch, and am looking forward to a nice steak dinner on the train. I also walked Union Station for 20 minutes including as many stairs as I could find!!

2019

Where to today? It's an at-home day and my step goal is 3800. Yesterday I did over 7000 just for doing normal stuff plus a walk to Whole Foods. But I don't need to go to Whole Foods today. The crafts group will be meeting 3:58 PM, so that cuts into the possibilities.

But also, where to with the writing? I should type up what I did yesterday and add it to the draft, and figure out what part I am ready to draft. So that's what I will do. What? I'm getting weird notifications! So distracted! Shut up, phone. Another voter notification! Buzz buzz buzz.

The week is flying by a week from today I will be heading to Connie's place with Kiddo 1 and Grandkiddo 2. So much to think about and do before then! Writing, auction food entry, packet, requested materials from the Harvard library? Miscellaneous vacation prep. Using up food.. Watching as many Indian movies as I can between when Jim leaves and Wednesday morning! I did some "at last” sewing yesterday. That blue linen tunic I got last year at TJ Maxx was too long and had unnecessarily long sleeves. So I finally cut the sleeves short and lopped about 4 inches off the hem. Now I have a very nice blue shirt that I can wear in the summer. And it has pockets! I have the sense that I have other projects in mind, but I'm not sure what.

What will I do for crafts today? I have been at a loss the last couple of months. Today is no exception. I could just keep on with the granny squares, or embroider a motif for my newly dyed top. Or flat my arms and fly to the moon.

I think I need to ditch the craft gathering idea. It is just not working as a regular thing. And today I'm really feeling the intrusion. If it wasn't for this obligation (a word I seldom use) I will be heading to the White House to join the Repairers of the Breach pride protest. Aargh! But I wouldn't be scolding myself for not writing, or something else. I had really good thoughts/inspiration on Sunday when discussing gender identity with North. I used the metaphor “career choice” to explain how gender presentation became so complicated. When I was a little girl, there were men's careers and jobs and women's careers and jobs. A limited choice which was actually bad and good.

Limited choices can be stifling, if what you want to do is outside the allowable boundaries. But unlimited choice could be confusing, daunting, scary. You can make the wrong choice, or take a long time to make a decision, just because there are so many options. But in the long run, I'd rather live in a society where children really can grow up to be "anything they want " than one that restricts choice for reasons having nothing to do with talent or ability.

When I was a girl, my clothing choices were also bound by rules. For example, pants could be play clothes, but could not be worn to school or church. The rules made it easier to decide what to wear in the morning, but not always make me comfortable. Skirts in the Nebraska winters! Brrr! And I didn't really like wearing dresses, especially at recess. Not to be confused with the sensation of being dressed up or wearing something special, which could enhance the experience of a party or event. Today I can wear pants or a skirt anytime and anywhere. So it makes picking out clothes a bit more complicated. But do I want to trade the few extra seconds it cost for the restrictions of 50 or 60 years ago? No. 

Now make the restrictions more general: "masculine" rules of dress or "feminine" ones. They used to be both clear and rigid before 1900. The reason this has changed is because people found the convenience of clear rules did not compensate for the lack of choice of personal expression. That has been a steady trend of looser gender rules for presentation for the last 120 years. It is not a recent trend; the specifics shift, new boundaries are marked, and the rules are revised, over and over again.

What rules do you want to rewrite next? Not rules for others: rules that hamper you.

Comment 2023

For a long time, I used to cram my work into four days: Monday through Thursday. Then I would take Friday off and just ride the DC Metro, listening to music. Maybe I would end up at a museum or take myself to lunch. Late in the afternoon, I would get back on the Metro and head towards our favorite local brewpub, Franklin’s Restaurant, Brewery and General Store for TGIF happy hour. It was our version of a Victorian “at home”. Our friends knew we’d be there every week, and we could count on a gathering of anywhere from 4 to 14 people. Good times, and oh, how I miss it. Curse you, COVID!

2024

I leave for Star Island in six days. So this morning I spent an hour scheduling everything on my ridiculous to-do list so I can get it all done in that time. Imagining myself on a porch rocker a week from now.