July 6
I’ve tried goal setting, I’ve tried time rationing, I’ve tried lists, and lists of lists. What next?
1966 (Mexico)
Went to the club and went swimming. The pool is nice, but only 9’9” deep and the diving board is too high. I met a girl, Ana, and her amigo, whom I don’t know. I also met a very American-looking Mexican named Antonio. He wants to take me to the movies, but I can’t, since I’m Mr. D’s responsibility. He seems nice, but Sr. Cervantes what is he doing there during school hours? So I’m going to find out. He’s very nice and polite, but so are all the Mexican men I have met.
Spelling test results - 2 and 0 wrong! Got two letters from home.
Comment 2023
It now seems very strange. Just when I was starting to be noticed by boys, I was in a situation that was literally foreign to me. Little as I knew about dating behavior in rural Connecticut, I was completely ignorant of social rituals in a huge city in a different country. Both Mr. D and Sr. Cervantes were so protective! I had no idea what to say or do.
1982
A very fine 4th of July. On Saturday we did grocery shopping and lounged around. Sunday we lounged around, cleaned the attic and went to see the fireworks. Monday we lounged around. I got up at 2 a.m. to see the lunar eclipse. I was only out for 10 minutes, enough to see the moon with a big bite taken out of it. It grew slowly and I stood in the back yard, feeling cold and sleepy and vulnerable (to what?). So I went back to bed.
Kiddo’s been sleeping through the night fairly regularly now. She sleeps through to 9:30 in the morning, waking for breakfast and falling asleep quickly after that.
I made her a new toy by hanging several objects from a curtain rod which rests on the bassinet. It’s a real hit and keeps her amused for quite a while.
I’ve decided that my big purchase this year will be a navy blue lightweight suit. (For fall and spring.) Perhaps I’ll go to Joseph Banks and see what they have. This year I want to work on my professional image. All last year I wore very casual-looking things because I was in maternity clothes and that’s what I could find that was affordable.
By the way, I’m saving my maternity clothes, because you never know. We might want another child in a few years (I think four or five would be about right). I’ll be 37 or 38 then, but I think if I keep myself in shape I would be no great risk. Whether I would opt for amniocentesis is another consideration, but I’ll cross that bridge when I come to it. Kiddo is very nice, but two children is a nice number, and sisterhood is a good experience.
Now to work for a while.
Comment 2023
“Professional” maternity clothing was an expensive novelty in 1982, and we were still in the Power Suit era. I already had a dark red wool suit, purchased when I finished my PhD. Eventually, I bought a linen-blend suit (light blue, not navy) that I loved and wore for years. Wish I had a photo!
1983
What a nice morning! It is sunny and pleasant, and I’ve gotten loads of work done. Since 7 a.m. (2 hours ago) I have fed Kiddo, changed her twice, ironed five shirts, cleaned the kitchen counter, washed the dishes, vacuumed the kitchen floor and read to Kiddo three times. It makes more sense to get things done with her around that I can get done. Reading and writing are best left for evening and nap times. But nap times are likely to be short these days, so I don’t count on them much anymore. Time to start a laundry and give us a bath. We’re going to visit Great-aunts Carol and Lois in Virginia today.
Later - - the housewife bitch in me has been emerging this afternoon. She starts to resent Jim then she gets snappish. I just hang back and watch, feeling guilty and dismayed. The problem if and old, old one. There’s Jim’s job. And there’s my job. And there’s housework and childcare. Too much of it seems to be my job, as well. Some of it is unavoidable. My schedules more flexible, and we want Kiddo to be at a sitter’s as little as possible. So I spend time with her. But my work is not getting done. I’m holding the line with teaching and diddly stuff. But the research has slid. I am writing things, yes, but I know my concentration hasn’t been the same since last summer. Part of it is a general sense of retrenchment and re-evaluation. Unfortunately, it’s been a constant process, since Kiddo has been changing so fast.
Right now I realize that her growing sense of independence causes her some frustration and insecurity. I could leave her at Remy’s more (and have more time to do my work). Or I can spend the time with her myself. The latter is probably the wiser course, because it’s her fear of losing me that underlies her daily problems. So what if it’s a bad 15 minutes out of an otherwise good day? I want to be there for the good times and the bad. Thank heaven I don’t have a 9-to-5, 50-week a year job. But I do have to straighten out the time and the job I do have.
There are two approaches to time management, I think.
1) task-oriented (goal-setting, priorities, daily lists, etc.)
2) time-oriented (rationing)
The problem with task orientation is you end up making the amount of time spend on tasks secondary to getting the task done. This is okay if the task is so important that time is no object. But:
Not everything is that important and time is precisely the object, because it it limited.
Being overly time-conscious, however, threatens to devolve into an excuse before the jobs done just because time is up. The solution should be somewhere in between.
Some housework needs to be done at certain interval, regardless of how long it takes. Other tasks can take a whole week to do, with only an insignificant marginal improvement after certain point. (I have gotten to that point with my teaching.) Well, I’ve tried goal setting, I’ve tried time rationing, I’ve tried lists and lists of lists. What next?
Comment 2023
As I recall, what was next was about 20 years of trying one system after another until I read David Allen’s “Getting Things Done”.
1984
Another strange damp and threatening day. I got quite a bit done, except for tidying. Have come to the conclusion that tidying is a winter activity. So is planning. So is research. What is a summer activity? Swimming. Reading. Weeding. Talking to myself, talking to Kiddo. Singing. Going to the library.
1985
Today was a really nice day in a lot of ways. Three hours or so of “work” work, same of housework. The rest was leisure time - - mostly playing with Kiddo. I’m trying to learn not to push her. She and I observed a dance class but she refused to take part. For my part, I was embarrassed. But she liked it, and I think if Jim took her, she’d be more likely to dance with the others.
2003
Kiddo 1’s bed moved up to Baltimore today, so she really is moved out. This feels final this time, though of course she could be back. But it is time for her to move on and be an adult. I’ve had 21 wonderful years raising that girl, and I am glad it’s over and sorry to see it end. Over the course of the next year, I make the shift to whatever comes after the care and worry of mothering. (Yes, I will still care and worry, but not as much and not as often.)
I wish I had enjoyed my children (even) more. Yes, we had some very good times, but more would have been fine!
Comment 2023
What empty nester hasn’t experienced that stew of emotions? Kiddo 1 never moved back, but moved on and on and on. Kiddo 2 went off to college the following year and has also moved on and on and on, with a couple of very short sojourns with us. They both live not too far away, so there have been many more good times in the last twenty years. Last week’s vacation on Star Island included Kiddo 1, her partner, and Grandkiddo 2. Good times, indeed.
I even did some writing!
2024
Do you have any idea how amazingly organized I am? I doubt it. I am writing these words on June 15 - THREE WEEKS AGO. In a few seconds, I will schedule this to be posted on July 6, which gives me three entire weeks to enjoy my vacation and do some other writing. (Those things are not incompatible.)
Update: July 6, 2024
The most beautiful thing that happened is that I actually did so much writing and also enjoyed nearly every moment. Yes, even the two and a half days spent half asleep, listening to Jane Austen novels. Now I am home and happy to be back, looking forward to ticking items off my brand-new to-do list.
And yes, I will come back, Star Island.