July 10
Why I do not miss my twenties at all
1966 (Mexico City)
We went to Chapultepec to see the Museum of Anthropology. It’s VERY big and beautiful. There were skids of tourists there. Mr. D took a lot of pictures.
We ate out at a pseudo Hawaiian place. Yummy. The waiters were very polite. They must get rich on tips. I was depressed again. Tired, mostly.We watched a movie and then hit the sack.
So tired of waiting for Juan #2.
Comment 2023
Fine dining was a rarity in our family. A big night out for the Barracloughs was the meatloaf at Stanley’s Diner on Route 7. Juan #2 must have been Prof. Cervantes’ nephew, who was supposed to show me the University of Mexico.
1976
I am not such an awful person. I just spent the day feeling down and angry at myself. For what? For acting “over mature”, for being a “grown-up”. For still being a little screwy. Then I got mad because I was mad. Being childish and irrational. I just don’t know if I have it to be a somebody. I’m so afraid. Afraid of being poor, of being prepared for a job that doesn’t exist, of dying young, of being old and unsuccessful, of lots of things. Afraid, afraid. Afraid of being stuck with Jim and terrified to lose him.
So I’m sentimental, thin-skinned. And overly anxious. I’m not so bad. Really. It’s just a matter of…something. But what? That’s the question. Work? Organization? Money? What will it take to make ME easier for me to take?
Comment 2023
In a nutshell, this is why I do not miss my twenties at all.
1979
Whew! I still feel like I’m spending too much time on too many things. Some things are going to fall by the wayside. After all, how many journal articles would I like to submit this summer? I’m “working on” seven, but only half of those will work out. Which ones? Probably Home Economics Research Journal, the Smithsonian article, and one more. The rest I will take up to a certain point and file for later or abandon entirely. The question is at what point? One of my “steps” should be the comparative evaluation of all my my projects, to decide which ones go and which ones stay. By the end of the summer I should be spending four days a week on my dissertation, one day on the course and other things. The rest of my time should be concentrated on my comprehensive examinations. This year won’t be easy, though it should be simpler in terms of the amount of juggling I have to do.
Onward!
Comment 2023
SIMPLER? Did you not just add another item to your project list?
1985 (Huntsville, Ontario)
This visit with Bob, Bonnie and family is really a treat. (Except for the bugs.) After some humid and rainy weather, it has cleared up and become much more pleasant. Kiddo and Niece have been playing happily together since we arrived, and Nephew has gradually warmed up to us. Mom is having a good time, too, just watching us and the kids. This week I am sure I want more children. Every kid should have a sibling.
1986
A much more pleasant day, about 10° cooler than we had. Claudia called yesterday and wanted to talk about the section I've written, but I was in the midst of a lengthy conference with a visitor from Korea and really couldn't do it at the time. So instead I spent the evening and morning fretting over what she's going to say. Already I imagine all kinds of negative comments. Maybe I'm not the optimist I thought I was.
The computer seminar is going well, even with just two people. I might say “especially with two people” since they are both novices and very unfamiliar and tentative with the computer.
Later that night-
And Claudia said, "this was great stuff, Jo ". So I can relax and just keep working. The next two sections will be easier, I think because at least one is shorter and they are stuff I know. This month the research starts, too. Once the workshop is over.
The baby has been much more active lately, which I find reassuring. Once they start to move you get upset if they don't.
1997
And then suddenly, Sarah B-B glanced out of the pages so authentically. Just when I was beginning to imagine her as a long-haired, barefoot Martha Stewart, she saves it with a glimpse into her own harried life. Mine is actually o.k.
1998
Oh, and then there was a week immersed in the Web Initiative in Teaching workshop, and then a week of driving Kiddo 1 back and forth to driver ed, and Kiddo 2 to the doctor and other jagged craziness. We are in the second week, with fewer demands from Kiddo 1 (who is sleeping until noon this week, the only week she can) but Kiddo 2 very sick. Mono, as it happens. He is much sicker than Kiddo 1 was, with a high fever and a horrible itchy rash. He has lost weight and has no energy.
The computer is in the shop for an upgrade. I finished “Children of God”, which was magnificent. I have been reading and watching movies a lot lately. Gardening beckons weakly. There is the awful awareness that I completely blew the chance to get any vegetables in this year. I can partially blame El Niño, for all that rain. Who could plant then? But my neighborhood walks reveal yard after yard where someone managed to plant something this spring. Oh, well. Next year, or maybe this fall! Some nice leaf lettuce, or spinach. Something simple to grow.
2016
Blah. What a tumultuous time, if that’s a word. Murders, terrorist attacks, personal drama. All too much to digest. I have no appetite for violent images, so watching Dil Se is just too much for me right now. I nearly always been a delicate flower, inclined to remember only the most disturbing images from horror or action films, which then come back and visit me in my dreams. The bodies outside Luke’s home in Star Wars. The horse’s head in The Godfather. The mummified mother in Psycho. When I went to see Fan I had to endure the revolting violence in that Tiger Schroff martial arts movie. The list goes on. But is is time for me to watch DilSe and I will ONLY watch the Preity Zinta parts. It is a powerful, beautifully done movie, but I.just.can’t.
Then there’s this: I have survived sexism and ageism to (finally) be a full professor. What can I do with that? What do I value that I am willing to invest in?
- education (formal and otherwise)
- democracy, especially voting rights and voter education
- warts and all history and story telling. Don’t sugarcoat, don’t claim only the “good” parts of history. Either it’s ALL “our” history (good and bad) or it isn’t. That’s it for now.
So here it is July and my real leave of absence starts August 1. I am ready and not ready. Emotionally I am more than ready to let go of the University for a while. And yet my mind wanders to what action I can take to make it better.
Comment 2023
I was re-watching selected Shah Rukh Khan movies as part of the blog series on first films with each of his frequent leading ladies. Here is the entry: First Dates with SRK: Preity Zinta in Dil Se (1998). Sorry about the missing videos, but they are easy to find on YouTube, just copy and paste the titles:
Chaiyya Chaiyya
Jiya Jale
2024
Lately I have needed a little revenge, Indian film-style. Maybe Eega? (Murdered man is reborn as a fly and takes revenge on his killer…)