January 9

1965

I worked on Dad's vest today and it's almost finished. He's a lot more grateful about it than Bob is about his. I want to meet the Beatles! And not just for a few minutes - for life. To be their friend and have them come visit me when they come here, especially George. But V is more in my reach. I like him. He's so smart and cute. Boy! What a doll! I want so much to meet him, but I can't even get up the nerve to say "Hello". But I smile - at his back.

Comment 2006

Was I ever that naive? Here's proof. I stopped believing in Santa when I was seven (reluctantly -- my mother told me the truth because she decided I was old enough). But at 15-nearly-16 I could daydream that somehow, someday, I would meet the Beatles. Not only would I meet them, but they would instantly recognize the coolness that had escaped the notice of my entire high school.

The experts say that teenager's celebrity crushes are an important bridge between romantic fantasies and real relationships. At the emotional level, there was little difference between my longing for George and my longing for V, except for the daily agony of passing V in the hall.

Ah, the vests! I made vests for Christmas for my father and brother. Actually, I bought the pattern and fabric and wrapped those up for Christmas, and worked on them during January. Bob's was a double-breasted dark blue wool; I think it reversed to tan corduroy, but memory is hazy. (And there's no point in asking Bob; he's further gone than I am!) Dad's was a red plaid single-breasted style -- I even fitted it on him, matched the plaids and did welt pockets. Sewing was one of the few things I did with absolute confidence, and usually did well. There was something absolutely magical about taking a flat piece of fabric and transforming it into a three-dimensional object.

Comment 2023

This has not changed. I love to learn how things are made, I love learning how to make things, and I spend hours a day happily making things. In high school and college, it was sewing. With a bit of initial instruction from my mother, I was able to make most of my own clothes for the next ten or fifteen years. Mom also taught me to embroider. Dad’s wartime French mistress, “Aunt” Madeline (what a family!) taught me to crochet on one of her very rare visits. As an apparel design major, I learned how to draft a pattern and tailor a jacket. I taught myself knitting, origami, macrame, and pop-ups. I’ve also learned quilting, spinning, and weaving. Half of my bucket list is things I still want to learn to make. These days, I spend 3-5 hours a day knitting, usually while listening to a podcast or audiobook. My latest obsession is Fair Isle knitting, often in the colors of the Maryland flag. (Which is the best state flag. No discussion.)

The proof:

Such pretty colors!!!

Whitehead quote:

[Our] gladness is not in taking and holding, but in doing, the striving, the building, the living. It is a higher joy to teach than to be taught. It is good to get justice, but better to do it; fun to have things, but more fun to make them.”

1978

So much for the balmy breezes. The temperature dropped 40 degrees overnight, so today it’s winter again.

A called from NJ tonight; she’ll be back tomorrow or Wednesday. Now it feels like vacation is over. She takes up a lot of my time. This semester I need to say “no” more often. The short chats become long conversations, one drink becomes three, etc.

And I have a lot to do this semester! Like get all A’s. (Ha!) My feet are getting warmed up, so it’s time to sleep. Should I try to be more profound? Should this diary be a literary and philosophical treasure? Not tonight.

Comment 2025

Note to my 29-year-old self: not all writing needs to be precious literature. Drafts and notes are also valuable.

1979

Just a minute here while I’m waiting for the bus. I’ve been trying to grasp hold of my life a bit in the last couple of days. Not finding the materials I needed in NY threw a monkey wrench into the Smithsonian project. Now I find that Harper’s Monthly is not the magazine to use for my dissertation. I can blame both on my being a) too busy to do the necessary detective work and b) too proud to admit it, trying to bluff my way out instead. An error.

1982

A nice Saturday, with grocery shopping, bread baking, letter writing and reading. It’s getting cold outside; I hate being cold. If it’s going to be cold, I need snow.

I could be making a lot more money if I only did something I hated.

1983

I’m working on Richard Bolles “The 3 Boxes of Life”. Don’t know how far I’ll get (time issues, as usual) but it’s something I’ve wanted to do for a while.

I would like a typical year to be divided this way, with the dividing lined broken, not solid:

Right now, it feels like this, with solid dividers:

1986

Yesterday Dr. Smith offered me a $5,500/year raise and a TA for the collection and teaching History of Textiles. In conferring with the campus VP, it came out that I am “a lead-pipe cinch” for tenure.

For a while, I felt like I would stay. Then I had lunch with two colleagues and by the end of the hour with them I was ready to pack my bags. Spent all afternoon practicing my resignation speech. Told Jim I could be happy at Maryland but would prefer to go to VPI. But Jim had news, too. His boss was thinking about creating a 40-hour AV position for him. Jim has more options here. I have as many here as at Tech, maybe more. There is a lot that is good here. We just bought a house last year in a pleasant neighborhood. I have interesting work. It’s not a perfect department, but I am almost in a position to effect some changes.

Later - I just called VPI and declined the position. It was very, very hard. I kicked the walls for five minutes afterwards, but I know it was the right decision. I couldn’t leave just when I felt I was getting started. There’s no celebration for people who stay, though.

Comment 2024

I think made that decision by writing in my journal.

1997

What do I need?

Love
Order (security or control?)
Alone time think and work
Time with people to share and learn
Creative outlets
New ideas and information

OK, so here is a question: What need does “Solitaire” fulfill? Why do I spend so much time playing it? If I couldn’t play computer games, what would scratch the same itch?

Snow day today. It’s not a heavy snow yet. The grass and leaves are still visible in the yard. So the kids will join me for my work day at home. That shouldn’t be a problem, though.

1998

Whoosh! Once again I am running in fourteen directions, wondering how to get everything done. Girl Scout Leaderfest, my Chocolate Ritual auction event, and my winterterm course, all happening at once.

2000

Do you believe it, that’s the first time I’ve written “2000”! What was it like to experience both the turn of a century and a millennium? On one level;, awesome and cosmic, an event on a global scale, celebrated with music, fireworks, and joy. Watching the television coverage all day was an amazing experience. On a personal level, it was personally insignificant. Just another day in the universe, which doesn’t care about time, or me.

My spring schedule really needs shaping. I need to be more firm (if not downright steely) about my campus/home time. Mostly, I need to grow a spine.

2002

It is after 4 pm, instead of the morning, and it’s been days since I wrote. So much for daily morning pages. I was going to get a stack of stuff done, but that didn’t happen. At least I had a good swim and two not-awful meetings. Unfortunately, the meetings were each an hour long and 3 1/2 hours apart, and Kiddo 1 needed the car in between. To the middle of the day ended up being a waste, and now I am tired. Here I am, listening to Kiddo playing some gamelan music on the computer. I need it explained to me. It sounds like rain. Bernie is dozing next to me. She does that so well! She is wonderfully laid bad. She can doze off sitting up, just melting into the floor.

2004

Yesterday was a wonderful day. Ordinary, but wonderful. I had a leisurely workout and three excellent discussion with colleagues. I moved closer to achieving some closure with College Park Scholars. I sat by the fire. I watched TV. I had good food. I patted the dogs.

It is after 10 AM and I have cleared tons of stuff from my to-do list, including my presentation, which I thought would take hours. But now I am stuck on the MITH memo. WHY? Because I am unsure of myself, in awe of the director, and afraid to look stupid. None of which is news.

2005

What if I offered a service of educational self-paced modules for people who want to learn something on their own? A mentored, online independent study?

Comment 2025

We will never know.

2013

Spent the day not-writing. I did re-orient my office so I can see out the window again. I also ran an errand for Sandy and did some cooking. The rest felt good, but I really must get cracking. The Tarot today was all about hesitation and uncertainty. Well, duh!

2022

Yesterday I made beef stew and watched a lot of Netflix: Queer Eye, 9 Rasa. Thought about exercise.