January 4

I am 28. Soon I will be 29. (Jim thinks five months is not soon. I do.) Am I young or old? Am I behind or ahead of schedule?

1965

The project is done! Finally! Now all I have to do is get it to school. I don’t know how I’ll make it! If I rode, it would be easy, but I don’t and it isn’t. I need some exercise. I’m getting flabby under the chin and around my waist and hips. All I have to is strengthen my tummy muscles, so I can hold it in and improve my posture. I wonder if I can take off ten lbs? I’d like to weigh 125 again. I think I will! (It’s not that easy.) Tomorrow’s another day! That was a bright statement!

Comment 2023

I wish that I could have a serious talk with 1965 me. As a 5’9”, 135-pound teenager, I wore a Misses size 14. I looked fine, if a bit gawky.

1965 Jo, ignore the exercise advice you are reading in Seventeen. (I know that’s where you saw that!). You are fine. But your posture could use some work; listen to your mother and stand up straight. When you’re 73, you’ll wish you had.

1976

Today I go to Boston to do research. A frightening prospect, for the most part. I’m looking forward to the train trip and the actual research, but dreading the MTA trek from South station to Cambridge and the unknown preliminaries at the library. 

I’ve been thinking more and more about going to Boston to work, somehow, somewhere. Also, retailing is starting to look good to me again. If I could find something in a fabric store, or a crafts place, or a bookstore. Maybe a museum shop? I would still like to try children’s museum programs, but if the jobs aren’t there, then what?

1978

I think my womanliness is switching on, at last. In the last few years I’ve acquired the taste for perfume, makeup and softer fabrics. I took a perfumed bath tonight, with the water a bit too hot. I can lift the front of my pajamas poke my nose down, and catch the scent of perfume. Nice. When I’m 78, will I still enjoy perfumed baths? Will I be alone, like Jim’s mother and my mother, and just about everyone’s mother? 

Right now I just want to be able to look back on my life with pride instead of regret. The years I spent “wandering” after college must be put in some kind of respective. Right now they are too close.

I am 28. Soon I will be 29. (Jim thinks five months is not soon. I do.) Am I young or old? Am I behind or ahead of schedule?

I’ve kept the house neat for a week. Is this the new me?

Comment 2024

Ah, yes, my (brief) feminine stage. As for long soaks, I prefer hot tubs. I was in graduate school, feeling the age gap between myself and the other grads students, who had gone straight through while I took a detour through waitressing and retail. 

Dear 28-year-old Jo: You are young, and right on schedule. YOUR schedule. You will have regrets, like everyone does, but no big ones. So far.

1979

It seems I have a day off, after all. I arrived at the library, only to discover it is closed on Thursdays. So I’m back on the train to Queens, feeling amused and relieved. This means that Saturday is shot, which is too bad. I took the subway, which filled me with power. It’s not as if I could have gotten lost; the stop I needed was the next one after the train station. Connie will be impressed, no doubt. I sure am.

Commuting on the Long Island RR was interesting. I was surrounded by businessmen about my age. I wondered how many went to Syracuse. What would have happened if I launched into the Alma Mater?

“Where the vale of Onondaga meets the western sky…”

Would anyone sing along?

No wonder they all carried on like assholes when they were in college. They knew what was ahead: reading the Daily News on the LIRR.

Only in New York: a little old lady across the aisle is reading a book on judo. The pictures show soldiers fighting, and they look like Nazis and Japanese, or maybe Russians and Japanese.

Also: why not build beautiful warehouses?

1980

I tried to wrote up the Smithsonian research. I had some terrific ideas - still do - but there were all those words, those dull, bloodless, cautious words. My pen builds a wall of meally-mouthing between my mind and ... whoever is out there. I admit I have no idea who will read that paper. One moment I imagine one person and I wax cute. Then I imagine someone else, and I retreat and hedge. Then I see a third reader and I pontificate.

Why can’t I just say what I think? The way I say it changes from one sentence to another, twisting, shying away and even fading. Am I in the wrong field? History is for WRITERS. Thinking is not enough. I need to GUTS and the skill to put the right words on paper.

1984

About 4 pm.

Afternoons have just been to hang. It’s nice to have the time with Kiddo, but it’s a long time to just sit around, even if I’m tired. Kiddo tends to want to be read to; that’s nice but gets tedious after the first three readings of the same book. Alternatively she wants to do things that require my attention by not my participation. I’m looking forward to having fewer interruptions and more of my own time. (Not sure when that will happen!) It’s not a bad time to tidy up, even cook a bit. It occurred to me yesterday that cooking dinner every night wouldn’t be so awful. A fleeting moment, I’ll admit. I used to play piano all afternoon when I got home from school. That would be fun, but not now. Kiddo would insist on helping.

Comment 2024

For the first fourteen years of our marriage, Jim and I had taken turns making dinner, with the non-cook doing the dishes. I think this was the year it ended.

 1993

(First entry since August)

So it was, very obviously, quite a fall semester. Busy at work and at home. Three classes, two of them completely new preps, two Scout troops, lots of other activities. September was a good start. It felt fairly leisurely, even with the first crazy days of school. The Kiddos both got terrific teachers and are happy in their new classes. It’s a treat having them both in the same school, if only for a year.

American Studies is working out ok. I feel very isolated most of the time. It is a small department, and most of my new colleagues work very independently, and have offices in a different building. The teaching part of the job is great, but the prospect of adjusting my research is scary. The jargon is new to me and it looks like I’ll be spending another 3 years just becoming acculturated. It’s like being in grad school again. 

1996

Jim has an interview this afternoon. Fingers crossed. Today I go for a long-overdue mammogram. I have been very bad, but hadn’t realized how long it had been. My new routine is not a habit, but is becoming more comfortable. I’ve decided to use my wheat-colored jeans as my weekly measure, instead of the scale or measuring tape.

1997

The passage I read today was not entirely satisfying. Basically, the idea was to dress up and look good just to boost your spirits. I am skeptical, but I will try.

Even if it is Saturday and I am just giving an Internet workshop to Girl Scout leaders.

Comment 2024

My idea of “dressing up” is adding earring and a scarf to my jeans and t-shirt uniform. Works for me.

1998

A great lazy day, from coffee and comics in the morning to folding laundry at night. I have ideas. I want to see the Escher exhibit, but alone. So I will go during the week. Where does the junk on my desk comes from? Yikes! I swear I just dug myself out a few days ago. I have no idea when the school year begins in the fall. Is that good or bad? Ha, ha!

1999

I am choosing what to do today, and it is hard.

I want to be going up for promotion next year. I want to be more involved with online projects next year. I want to be thinking about gardening next year I want to be a famous cyberprof next year. I want to be at peace with my relationships next year. (You know what I mean!) I want to weigh 160 pounds. So what does that mean for now?

What needs to be done today?

Groceries
Girl Scout shop
Girl Scout meeting plan
First class: (Online) contacting students etc.
get a grip on work (again)
Exercise and shower

I can’t do them all so I will do:
Girl Scout shop
GS meeting plan
get a grip on work
Exercise and wash my hair

2005

My first “alone at home” day of 2005. Too bad I am feeling oogy. So it is a good day to just chill and take stock. How are things?

Emotional: pretty good. Love life is good, kid relationships are good, friendships good.

Intellectual: better than it’s been in a while. Still a little unfocused, but I have lots going on and its all interesting.

Physical: blah, today, but otherwise not too bad.

Spiritual: totally lacking, though music is helping.

2002

I need to get warmer socks. Maybe warmer slippers, too. All day yesterday my feet were blocks of ice. Bernie just requested a scratch. Happy to oblige. It may snow Sunday and Monday. Please do!!! I want some good snow so I can sit and watch it, and also to see what Bernie thinks. My guess is that she will be mystified, as always. That’s her reaction to just about everything. 

Comment 2024

Our latest beagle, Bernadette, had been a lab dog (nutritional lab, don’t feel too sorry for her; it’s a beagles’ dream job).

2008

Sabbatical, day one. 

One page of just this, written 22 times: Only the person who risks is free.

Then 6 pages (!!!!) of writing about what I need to do to (1) Work less and (2) Make more. I will spare you most of it and edit it to the main points.

Work less: Reduce the energy needed to get things done. I want to overcome the inertia that holds me back and reduce the friction that slows me down.work less on things I really dislike.

Make more: more good food, more music, more fun. I want to write more. Words in piles, streams, floods. Oceans of words, galaxies of words, words in herds, in flocks, and crowds. A stadium full of cheering words and agonized words because time ran out and the receiver dropped the ball. 

Money: I want to live on 1/2 my salary for a year while I am on sabbatical and then keep doing it so the by the time I retire, we are debt-free and can travel the country by train without a bit of guilt.

And then followed the first draft of the proposal for “Pink and Blue”

2021

I re-read Chapter 1, and it’s pretty good. Maybe re-reading Michael Twitty can help me see what’s wring with Chapter 2.

2024

In my little personal bubble, the new year looks promising. From simple but festive gatherings with family and friends, to some satisfying work, I’ve crossed the threshold to one of my favorite seasons. Early winter always feels like the pause between inhale and exhale. 

What’s going on right now: my “history of the Simple Life” course is winding down but also getting deeper, richer, and more fun we finally arrive in the late twentieth century and there’s more personal sharing. And the last class session comes right before our early music winter concert. I am knitting two large projects, just a few rows at a time, while reading “The Covenant of Water”, having finished “One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest”. (Now there’s a contrast!)

Here’s a treat for you to enjoy. This will the last piece in our concert and fits the season beautifully.