January 13
Maybe in another 58 years, I’ll be a soloist!
1965
I don't want to go to Wykeham Rise tomorrow. I hate it and feel embarrassed going there. I want to sing in the Talent Show but I don't know what to sing. I'll be doing the "Merry Minuet" with T, S, M and H.
I talked to V! I wonder if I should go to a dance and see if he'll dance with me. I said that last night! I'm going to a 'jama party on the 29th at K's house. It's snowing now and maybe I won't go to Wykeham Rise. I wish I had an excuse not to go anymore. But I don't.
Comment 2006
Less than two weeks into this transcription and already I am wondering how I ever scraped up the nerve to leave home for college. The fear and insecurity in nearly every post is palpable.
Speaking to anyone I did not know well was excruciatingly difficult. I usually said something awkward and unfunny and then berate myself later for being a fool. When I say I spoke to V, it means I said "hi" when we passed in the hall, not that he and I had an actual conversation.
I practiced each new piano and recorder piece for hours between lessons and would still be so nervous I could barely play it for my teacher.
I now realize that I never told my parents about how much I hated it. It was a "great opportunity" for a lowly townie from a modest home, and I assumed they would have insisted I continue. But we never discussed it one way or another, and so I just kept going.
1976
If I would only write more often! So since the last time I blew an assistant ship, got a job at the campus bookstore, and was offered an assistantship, within a week and a half. Mrs. G’s medical crisis is my fortune. So I’m teaching apparel design this semester. Hot dog. I am, obviously, very excited.
1991
So far, so good on the home front. (Our little home, not The Home Front in Bush’s Iraq war.) The house is not dramatically better, but I am making headway. I have amassed a small pile of donations. The thought struck me that I may not have time to sew again for years. Such a relief. It gave me permission to weed out much of my sewing stuff. I sit in the family room and look at the books I have never read and do not want to read. I am sure they can be found in the library if I change my mind. Out they go! Why do I like to weed in the house, but hate to weed in the garden?
The Little Lord Fauntleroy article drags on, but will be done this week, come hell or high water.
Taking one day a week to write doesn’t work. An entire week every 5 or 6 weeks might, instead. Having two snow days this week did not work at all.
1997
Serenity. What’s that? If my life lacks serenity, it’s because I don’t play attention to my own life. No one can grant me inner peace. I can’t give my loved ones serenity. I can model it for them, if I attain it for myself, but not before. One thing I can do is to stop stirring up their lives with my worries.
2023
A funny thing happened this week. This fall I joined the early music ensemble in our retirement community. It’s a genre I enjoy, and it’s the only group that includes all voices, not just men or only women. I prefer SATB, when available. These days, I am mostly an alto, with two distinct voices. My upper range (roughly the octave beginning at middle C) is thin and old-lady quavery. My lower range (middle C and down about an octave) is fuller and more consistently in tune. If I have to sing a piece that moves from one range to the other, it’s pretty unpleasant, as there is a clear “break” between them.
We are performing our winter concert this week, and at the last minute our very small tenor section was reduced to one person. They were to perform an 12th century piece with three tenors, each doubling a recorder part. I woke up Wednesday morning to an urgent email from the director asking if the piece was in my range and if so, could I come to a rehearsal in a few hours to see if I could do it.
My sight-reading is not spectacular, but she had attached the score and a midi file, so I used the “Music Man” think method all morning and showed up at the rehearsal. The original plan was to just do the piece at the Saturday concert to give me the chance to learn it, but she was so pleased that we did it last night as well.
But here’s the thing: Last night, I sang in a small ensemble in front of a large audience. I was the only vocalist on my part. I was nervous, but not terrified. Most shocking of all, I am looking forward to doing it again tomorrow. Maybe in another 58 years, I’ll be a soloist!
2024
Our in-house TV crew made a short feature about our upcoming early music concert. Meet me and Jim (ponytail in the orange shirt).