January 11

Chocolate is a wonderful drug.

Jan 11, 2024

1965

Wotta day! I'm drunk with power! At Girl Scouts everyone listened to me and went for my ideas. In Spanish I got 100 on a test. I don't know if I want to go to Wykeham Rise or not. I feel so out of place there. I hate playing the piano in front of that jerk of a teacher Mr. N. Speaking of jerks, we still have Mr. V. If he doesn't leave soon, I'll flunk the midterm, which is only two weeks away.

Comment 2006

Mr. N was not a jerk. He was a pleasant, rather shy music teacher at a small, private boarding school for girls. In the fall of 1964, his headmaster handed him two "townies" with minimal musical training for an enrichment experience. I was a mostly self-taught pianist with performance anxiety; my fellow student, R was a garage band drummer who could not read music at all. Mr. Nowak's solution was to give me private piano lessons and to teach us both a bit of music theory via a small group recorder class. The original idea was that some of the Wykeham Rise students would join the recorder ensemble, but no one signed up.

So alternate Wykeham Rise days I would either spend playing piano for Mr. N and feel like an idiot, or sit and listen to R struggle with the basics of music notation on a wind instrument. How did Mr. N survive the experience? Did he hasten back to his faculty quarters and have a stiff drink? He should have.

Comment 2023

Number of times since 1965 I have registered for music lessons: once, in 1989. I do still think about it.

1979

Somehow, life is sorting itself out again. Claudia was delighted with my research. I’m not thrilled with my dependence on the approval of others, but right now, positive feelings are welcome, whatever their source.

1980

Last real day of “vacation”; next week the students will be back, even though I don’t start teaching yet. This has been a very productive week. There are still things I haven’t done, but I am chipping away. Little by little, I am carving out more time for the two most important things: my dissertation and my comprehensive exams.

1981

I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: it is SO GOOD to be home after holiday travels. There is much to do and I would love to have one more week. I should try very hard not to fall into my usual rut of procrastination and frustration.

1982

Now that the baby has started moving, I worry when it doesn’t. My mind is divided between the present (my daily routine of work and housework) and the future (diapers, new schedules, toys, school, music lessons, bedtime stories, trips to the zoo…) Then someday, letting go. College. Marriage. A family of their own.

1983

Sometimes life just seems impossible! I’ve had a sinus (or stress?) headache for the last two days. If I could just have 15 minutes to be alone, with no responsibilities or deadlines. Fat chance this week.

1985

Today all that’s left is a tinge of regret for making VPI wait so long for my decision to turn them down. I wish I could’ve said yes, but not for the right reasons. What it comes down to is I am doing what I enjoy. I am not sure I would enjoy being a department chair.

Today was nice. We shopped, we worked at home. Kiddo is in the bathtub and I am sitting here, with no sense of urgency to do any work at all. Do I want to be in charge of something? Not right now.

Comment 2025

I would not enjoy being department chair. Good decision.

1997

It’s evening, for a change. Usually I journal in the morning, but there wasn’t space for thinking until now. Today’s reading was about becoming an optimist. Most of the time, that’s no trouble for me. I really do believe there’s a pony in there somewhere.

I hosted my chocolate ritual today, which was lots of fun and also soul-satisfying. Chocolate is a wonderful drug.

Comment 2024
The Chocolate Ritual! I found it on the internet and knew that the UU pagans in my congregation would love it. So I offered it as an auction item, and behold, the UUJews, atheists, and humanists also loved it! What’s not to love? I made so many chocolate bites and beverages that the entire church basement reeked of chocolate. I think i need to do this again…

2000

This week calls me to meditation, relaxation, and better sleep. I try to meditate 20-30 minutes a day, spend some time each day in natural surroundings, and relax before going to bed each night.

It’s become obvious that “Simple Abundance” was written during the last recession. How odd it must feel for new readers to find today’s passage about the toll of economic downturns. Today we are in a different place - abundance and security. Those pose a different challenge.

2003

I need a day off. The question is whether today will be it.

Pros:

it’s Saturday, and Jim is home and on the computer
it’s sunny and cold, pleasant and energizing.
we have lots of leftovers in the fridge and are going to a party tonight, so I don’t need to cook

Cons:

I need a planned day off, a retreat, not just a random play day
I do have some important things to do, mainly student evaluations

I have decided: Today is the day. No tidying, no cooking, no laundry, no computer work. I will play, either sewing/cutting something out or reading for fun. I will have a nice salad with leftover cheese for lunch. Go me.

2004

My little detour to Reading via Bethlehem was a nice respite from Friday’s frantic pace. I listened to some good R & B and the first part of a recorded book. Then yesterday I came home and got the house ready for the cheesy evening. We had a great time with our guests (and all that cheese)! Then I had a horrible night’s sleep, thanks to Cunningham. I really need to revisit my project list. It’s getting hard to identify discreet projects. They appear to be all intertwined. I thought that having them interconnected would help, but apparently, it does not.

2020

Two families toured the house. An odd feeling, but also exciting. They seemed to like it, especially the kitchen. We then had an enjoyable evening co-hosting an auction event (Winter Beers). Excellent food and company to match.

Spiral Notebook

Discussion about this post