1965
It's snowing like anything! I hope school's closed tomorrow. It probably won't be, though. At times I think we have an Eskimo for a superintendent of schools. Last year during a blizzard we were the only school opened in Connecticut. I finished Dad's vest. Boy, am I proud of it. I was supposed to go to a pizza party for Young People's Fellowship, but I couldn't - no transportation. Next week we are going skating, I hope. It might not freeze then. It sure is cold now, though.
Comment 2006
YPF! That was the youth group at my church, St. John's Episcopal. It was lots of fun; we had a cool young curate, Father Crews, who planned the activities and hardly ever talked about religion. It was at a YPF meeting at Father Crew's tiny apartment I saw the Beatles' first appearance on Ed Sullivan. I discovered on the internet that he recently retired as rector of the nearby Marbledale church.
Here is the mystery: by the time I graduated from high school, my family was no longer attending St. John's. Instead, we went to the local Lutheran Church, which had a three-person youth group and a very uncool minister. I imagine Mom made the decision, as she was pretty much the religious arbiter of the family. I do recall some sharp comments she made later about other of the other ministers at St. John's, who blamed her chronic illness for dad's drinking and their marital troubles. Ah, the good old pre-women's liberation days; another reason I have little use for nostalgia.
At any rate, I do not remember being consulted about the change of churches, nor caring about it. My mother would probably not appreciate knowing that her decision to "go Lutheran" helped accelerate my eventual crisis of faith. The second tenant of the Lutheran faith is justification by faith, or the belief that "salvation is through faith alone -- we only need to believe that our sins are forgiven for Christ's sake, who died to redeem us". The Episcopal church left room for doubt and encouraged questioning; Lutherans viewed doubt as evidence of Satanic temptation. At least, that's how teenaged Jo interpreted the difference.
The reference to ice skating evokes pleasant memories. We skated on ponds, not ice rinks. There was something about the nighttime pond-skating experience, with its mixture of danger, discomfort and romance, that was very dear to my teenaged soul.
Comment 2023
I am not sure I was being fair to my Lutheran forebears and religious educators in my 2006 response. Not having learned much of anything about Lutheranism since middle school, my description was based on the long ago impressions of a disenchanted teenager.
I drifted away from organized religion in college and married an equally lapsed Catholic. We drifted along, worshipping in our own ways on Sunday mornings. (Me: baking bread. Him: German football on tv.) Then we had a baby, and like many young adults, started looking for a religious community to help us with the challenges of parenting. I began where I left off, with a Lutheran church near the campus where I worked. Lovely people, great coffee, good music, but the theology was a total mismatch. I considered the Friends Meeting nearby, but music being essential to my spirituality, that was a no-go. Then, on my way to a local library to do research, I drove past a Unitarian Universalist Church and a playground conversation from sixth grade replayed in my head. My friend Ronnie, the first Unitarian I ever knew, defined his theology thusly:
“I don’t believe in the Trinity, I don’t believe Jesus was God, and I believe that John was drunk when he wrote Revelations.”
So on September 26, 1982, I checked it out. Lovely people, decent coffee (still working on that), great music. Room for me to explore my own beliefs. Bingo. I’ve been a member of UUCSS for forty years.
1979
Classes start a week from tomorrow. For once I am not looking forward to the new semester. A little, but not much. Mostly I feel rotten today: headache, runny nose, cramps, cold feet. Top to toe misery. And I have to talk with the curator of costume at the Smithsonian today, and I would like to have some time to contemplate. Contemplate! That’s a laugh!
1985
Oh, my. Already 1/3 of the way through January. Almost time to start up again, and all of my writing undone. With the VPI decision out of the way, I feel more energized about the future (immediate as well as long-range). I did the calculations and with the promised raise, by 1990 I should be earning $40,000! That’s a 100% increase in ten years. Exciting!
1987
Got a note from Kiddo 1’s teacher today. She’d test her and she’s reading on a 3rd grade level. They are also going to test her in math and other skills, and may possibly recommend she be placed in the 1st grade. My worst fears have been realized. Ever since she learned the alphabet at 20 months- and really knew the letters - I’ve known that some day we’d have to make some hard decisions. Kiddo is bright. Good. But I don’t want her hurt because of it. Does that make sense? I don’t know what I want to happen. I don’t want her to be bored. I want her to be challenged. But can she handle it?
Comment 2024
This is a my story, not Kiddo’s. So I will comment from my own experience. I knew, deep down inside, that whatever we decided to do, I would never, ever be sure it was the right decision. I talked to other parents, I listened to people who had skipped a grade themselves. Did we make the right decision? I still have no idea. But it’s the past, and can’t be changed, so why even ask?
1997 (the last page in an 80-page notebook started in 1993)
In my cynical heart, I worry that if I knew this was my last day on earth, I still wouldn’t get any work done. Which would actually be someone else’s problem, not mine. This won’t work as a motivating philosophy.
It’s time for my usual last-page reflection. I think this has been my longest span of time in a single notebook. They have been four busy years, which included:
Kiddo 1 becoming a teenager Kiddo 2 from 6 to 10 years My return to North Platte for the first time since I was 8 Dad’s illness and death Our trip to Sweden Woodies closing, and Jim starting a new job with IKEA My discovery of the WWW Jim’s mother’s death
Not to mention all the work stuff. It has been an eventful and complicated four years. The past can’t affect me anymore. So let it go.
Not to mention all the work stuff. It has been an eventful and complicated four years. The past can’t affect me any more. So let it go.
2000
The kids were away at a Youth Con in Delaware this weekend. Kiddo 1 remembered to call (they left the permission slip on the table). It was a busy weekend for me, with the annual chocolate ritual at church and several other meetings/distractions. But now at least ai Have some open time, not many meetings or obligations until a few weeks from now.
2002
Do I really like to write? Want to write? There are my journals, but they dried up about 10 years ago. Was I just busy, or did something wither away? Maybe I lost the desire to write, if I ever had it. I haven’t lost the desire to be creative, but I lost my outlet. That’s not quite true. I’ve created lessons, assignments, exercises, and entire courses and curricula. Right now I am writing thoughtful, constructive evaluations for each of my sixty students. I should do 8-10 of them today. Yes I should. And then flap my arms and fly to the moon.
Comment 2024
I say that a lot, have you noticed? It comes from my favorite Peanuts cartoon:
2009
Having a Wii of a time with my big brother in Ontario.
2013
At last, the article is done. Kiddo 2 came down and helped by being a sorely-needed second pair of eyes. The office is clear. All of the piled-up 2012 work is done. Now I can focus on the book.
I keep coming back to the importance of routine in my life. On the one hand, with no routines at all, I can’t get anything done. BUT. My routines can become so rigid that I can’t change when I need to.
Awareness is possibility.