February 20
“Farewell to a Bitter Yesterday”
1965
I'm babysitting at Os - it's a two day job - I should get about $15 - I can get my guitar, that means! It was fun but tiring today -- I'm pooped! Tomorrow - yech - another day. (Boo Hoo!) The kids are both pretty spoiled. One cries when she doesn't get her way and the other cries whether she gets it or not.
I wrote a poem and dedicated it to V and my lost love. I think I'll send it to a magazine to be published. I do hope someone will buy it. It's called "Farewell to a Bitter Yesterday".
Farewell to a Bitter Yesterday
As the sun bids farewell to the angry sky,
I remember the yesterday I cherished as tomorrow.
A dream which, as a dream, was ecstasy,
But in coming to be meant only sorrow.
In my slumbers I loved and my world was
As only love can make it: bright and sweet.
But when tomorrow came I saw clearly
That only on my dreams was my love perfect and complete.
As the twilight sky fades to blackness,
So shall this bitter yesterday soon be gone.
And only a rosy afterglow and bittersweet taste
Shall remain; only a painful emptiness shall linger on.
What I write here, I dedicate to V, the dream of the golden tomorrow and the cherished memory of a bitter yesterday.
Jo Barraclough
Let this be proof of my love of a boy who has naught to proof (sic).
Comment 2006
Yes, it's painfully flowery and romantic. Yes, the meter is tortured. Yes it is wordy as hell. But it has more authentic lovesick teen angst than "Yesterday", and I beat his 1966 U.S. release by a year and a half, so you can't say it's derivative.
On the other hand, it sure as hell is embarrassing 41 years later. The shame of adolescence never really dies.
Comment 2023
McCartney did it better.
1978
Another week begins. I am (as usual) resolving to work hard and to say “no” to temptation. I am falling behind, sort of. I am still ahead of my classmates, but I know this sagging feeling. (Ah, February!!) I am on the verge of playing truant. That can be fun when it is earned. But I’ve been evil lately, collecting my reward before doing the work.
Shape up, Jo! Let’s be real well-behaved today. (We’ll see about mañana.)
1979
I am bored, bored, bored. This is the second snow day in a row. I should be doing assorted household and school chores - - - BUT.
But my back hurts. But it’s too warm in here. But I’m hungry. But I can’t get comfortable. But I can’t decide what to do first. But I am bored.
What I wouldn’t do for a day of good movies or interesting TV. Marley is bored, too. I can tell.
The car is hopelessly stuck in our unplowed parking lot. I should shovel a bit.My back protests.
I could read. I could sleep. I could eat.
Except I’m bored.
Comment 2024
And up pops another poem! (Edited version)
Bored.
I could read. I could sleep. I could eat.
But my back hurts.
But it’s too warm in here.
But I’m hungry.
But I can’t get comfortable.
But I can’t decide what to do first.
But I am bored.
1983
An interesting and productive weekend. The snow is almost all gone and it’s felt like spring. I got my exams written and am nearly done with my article for “Costume”. I went to church today and heard about meditation from a very interesting speaker. This afternoon we went to visit friends and see their 2 1/2 week old baby. Kiddo is feeling better and has been in a better mood. I’ve been filling out a personality instrument, which has been very interesting.
One question was about recurrent problems. I joke about my main problems being time management and flabby thighs, but there’s some truth there. My main conflict is between work time and me time. I have time management schemes galore, but me time is more elusive.
Comment 2024
Still true.
1997
It is too bad that today promises to be less than leisurely. I promise myself to spend time this evening in the past. I especially want to cruise through high school and look at Jim’s love letters. Whatever happened to V?
Comment 2024
I stalk him on Google. He appears to have aged well.
1998
Kiddo 2 is home sick. The flu, I think.He’s worn out, feverish and with a slight upper respiratory thing. It’s ok. I had planned to work at home day, so it’s not a big deal to be more with him as well. Yay, bigger kids.
It’s time to give up on winter, I’m afraid. With just a month left before the equinox, and temperatures steadily around 50, snow is unlikely. Too bad. Another FEH winter. On the other hand, I remember what a relief it was to have a feh winter in 1976-77 after 7 years in Syracuse and 2 in Rhode Island.
I am at that point in the semester when I start to fall behind, and my grand schedule collapses on me. As usual, it’s not entirely from external demands. I still do have a wonderfully open calendar. I am not buried under deadlines and obligations - - yet. I am also not caught up on what I needed to do over winter break, either.
I am still re-reading old journals. This afternoon I will look back at my grad school life, and my struggle to become more self-disciplined and become a “scholar”. That began in 1972, two years before I started my master’s degree, when I was still trying to figure out who and what I was, what my work would be. Trying on costuming, craftsperson, designer, retailer. Failing in all of it. By 1973 my relationship with Jim had changed. The first few years, from a couple of 18-year-olds feeling like we had discovered love (like Columbus “discovered” America), to the newlywed class couple in the Drama Department, we hadn’t really thought much about what we were experiencing. Since then - now twenty years - ours is a more intentional attachment. I’ve accepted his weaknesses and foibles, and he has accepted mine. We have built up a storehouse of shared memories and mutual support. Yay, bigger kids and mature love.
Comment 2024
Yep.
