January 3
Lord save me from the first week in January!
1965
Bob thinks my Globe Theater is a mess. So do I. It falls down easily and looks as if I haven’t worked hard on it - which I have! Tomorrow we go back to school. I hope it snows so we have two days off like we did last year.
M went home today. I don’t know what to think about her. She drinks, smokes, and hangs around with a lot of bums, but I really don’t care. I guess it’s 1/2 because I feel sorry for he and 1/2 because I wish that I could drink, smoke, and hang around with bums.
2023
So true. I was a very good girl, thanks to the fear of everything instilled by my upbringing. Needless to say, when I left home for college, I pursued everything except hanging out with bums. The trick was not thinking of them as “bums”.
1974
A little late for New Year entries, but here goes.
I went to Toronto again, found life there much more interesting than life in Syracuse, as usual. Bob and I had a few discussion/arguments, in the old way, but more even and more constructive. Perhaps some day we will spend some time in Toronto, but never stay there for long. The city is exciting, but where do you go when you want peace?
Christmas was a genuine mess. Working at a department store is easily the best way to grow to dislike Yuletide. White Sale is now upon me, but not as bad.
Resolutions for 1974:
1)Read one book written this year and one book at least 100 years old.
2) To use my mind more, even if we do buy a TV.
3) To keep in touch with people better
4)To procrastinate less at home
5) to get religion
6) To weigh 135 by this time in 1975
7) to stop picking my zits
Comment 2024
My one year - actually nine months - working retail. That odd experience when I was really good at doing something and hated doing it.
1978
It seems impossible: 1978 already! But I like even-numbered years, so it’s not bad. Archie’s visit was fun and exhausting. Six museums on day one, and three on day two. Whoosh! He’s enjoying his new faculty position, but it sounds like a ton of work. He is THE theater department, teaching everything (from stagecraft to acting) and also directing most of the plays. So maybe ten museums in two days really was a vacation.
1979
My arms are killing me. I just carried my suitcase and my (soon to be Connie’s) sewing machine at least twenty miles from home to this seat on the train. Off to New York for some work/play for four days. (“I am off”, that is; sentences must have subjects and verbs.) Let’s hope it’s the tonic the doctor ordered. With classes starting in just two weeks, I’ve got to do something about my enthusiasm level.
1980
What did - - or -didn’t - - happen to the grey-flannel suit? Moira Johnston thought by now it would be extinct. Nor was she alone; many of us thought that the 60s had brought profound, permanent changes. IN some ways it did, but not the ones we expected. What were the big predictions for the 70s?
There would be more disposable clothing (instead we are reviving “classics”)
The “peacock revolution” in menswear would kill the business suit (instead we all got “power suits”)
There would be more casual dressing, especially jeans (expensive, “designer”jeans appeared)
There would be more nudity, revealing clothing (we got more covered up)
Was anybody right? How do predictions reveal the present? How much is wishful thinking?
My predictions:
The big influences will be international trade and social factors (sex roles, age, leisure trends). American clothing taste will become more diverse, more cosmopolitan, as it has with food.
1981
[A two-page list of “accomplishments” transcribed from my desk calendar. My dissertation defense is smack in the middle]
Plus a lot of tiny little cluttery things. What a year! I am struck by the number of unstructured things that require organization and self-discipline. Also the fact that we finally got away and did some of the fun things we always meant to do: attend games, plays, concerts, etc. A really good year.
I am so comfortable here in this rocking chair, staring out the west window at the sun slanting through the trees. I am so comfortable (as I said) that I forget I am supposed to be writing. I'm supposed to be talking to someone other than myself. The great satisfaction of the last few years is that I think I have communicated to others. The great frustration is I've been gabbing for all these years and still haven’t the faintest notion what I'm trying to say.
1982
Another holiday season in the can. The annual orgy of family and friends. It seems designed to make up for lack of regular contact with an intensive, immersive experience. It doesn’t. I put on such an act for Mom when she’s here that it’s probably impossible for her to know me. I try to suppress my “Dad-like” traits and say and do things she would like me to say and do. Is this dishonest or just being sensitive and selective? Don’t I do the same thing when I play “teacher” in the classroom? It’s hard to know what the real me is; I am still figuring that out, myself. And I am about to change in a few months, when the baby arrives.
I felt the baby move just before Christmas, on the 21st. It is so strange, this sensation. I feel like one of those Russian nesting dolls.
1983
A nice but maybe one-day-too-long visit from Connie and Jack. (It’s not them, it’s me.) Connie and I were extremely ill Saturday night. We thought it was something we ate, but now Jim has it. I hope Kiddo doesn’t get it.
She’s been creeping better and faster. I have to keep an eye on her more now. Can’t just plop her down and walk away for five minutes. She’s also playing more, rather than chewing on everything in reach. Loves “peek-a-boo” and looking at board books. Only three weeks until classes start. How awful. If I could only get just 1/2 the work done I need to.
On the other hand, I’m enjoying the time I’m spending with Kiddo. Screw work, anyway.
1987
Kiddo 2 feedings
10:30 pm - 2:30 am - 6:30 am - 10 am - 2:30 pm - 5:30 pm - 7:30 pm - 9 pm
1995
I keep telling myself “new habits”. For instance, not reading the whole newspaper after breakfast. And only playing 3 games of Tetris at a time, no matter how poorly I play. I realize, scarily, that spring classes start in 2 weeks!!! That I am taking some Cub Scouts and Girl Scouts skiing on 1/26. That I really want to finish the book NOW!!! I had hoped to move the computer this weekend. Maybe I will, without painting the room. It would be swell to paint, but I just can’t see how I will have the time.
Had a nice visit with Mom tonight while Kiddo 1 was at honors chorus.
1996
A good agenda-setting meeting at church last night. And Joni Mitchell on TV while I exercised. Just a quick entry before I pull on my socks! (Meeting at 9:30 am). Jim sent in a job application yesterday. Time to go!
1997
I already have everything I need to be genuinely happy.
One of the things I yearn for is “the expression of joy in work”, which is how William Morris defined art. I do love my work, or I did.
2001
Bernie is a great dog. She has the soulful, trusting expression. She is fun to pat. She smells good (usually). She is easy to pick up. She is not too smart.
The dichotomy that needs to be explored isn’t between teaching and research but between great, ground-breaking, transformative teaching and/or research and decent-quality teaching/research that just meets expectations. The problem is not just that the highest quality teaching and mentoring isn’t valued and rewarded like research of a similar caliber, but that it is valued BELOW “good enough” research. I could write a book. I have written 5-7 articles a year, so a book is possible. But I couldn’t do that and also invent a high quality living-learning program from whole cloth, OR develop original online courses, OR lead the transformation of teaching technology on this campus, all of which I have done in the last five years. I should probably document these things, before people forget that there was time when these were the bleeding edge of education, before toddlers could access Barney on the internet. I am in danger of being overlooked, taken for granted, passed over for promotion. My efforts have helped the university “zoom”, as their current PR says. When do I get recognized? I need to be a scholar again, at last, to get the recognition I deserve - Dammit!
Comment 2024
Is that what Bernadette told you, with her soulful eyes?
2024
Lord save me from the first week in January! Every day there seem to be more journal entries; ten for January 2, thirteen today, over fifteen tomorrow. Suddenly, I am looking forward to the first day of classes in a totally new way.