December 16

It is time to work; if I want anything at all, it is time to work. Tomorrow, neh?

1964

This is the happiest day of my life! Bob has been accepted at Danbury State. I’m so happy for him! I went sitting at Os from 3:30 to 10:30 PM and got $4. H called and talked for an hour or so. She’s a swell little kid with a great big heart. I wish I had her pink cheeks and bright eyes. Speaking of bright eyes, I have two of my own to consider! I’ll close them for a while.

Comment 2022

I will deal with H first. She was not, as one might interpret, a younger acquaintance. She was my age, a classmate who was several inches shorter than I was. She was a talker, the one friend who could be relied upon to call anyone she knew was babysitting and keep them on the phone for hours. It is no secret that I am not a telephone person. So when I say she “called and talked for an hour or so”, it means that she talked and I listened and occasionally grunted.

My brother’s acceptance at Danbury State Teachers’ College (soon to be rebranded Western Connecticut State College, or WesConn) was indeed a red-letter day in the Barraclough household. After years as a “high potential underachiever” in the educational jargon of the day, he was heading for high education, not Vietnam. Tuition at WesConn was $50 a semester, which was refunded if the student made the Dean’s List. Bob made the Dean’s List all eight terms, and eventually became a Big Man on Campus. (He was responsible for bringing the Doors to Danbury!) It was through his college experience over the next two years that I began to imagine my own future after high school. I had no college savings, and my parents never expressed any aspirations in that direction for me. It was possible in the 1960s, to live a perfectly satisfactory life with nothing more than a high school diploma. For an eighteen-year-old girl, marriage and motherhood were as likely to happen by time she turned twenty-two as a four-year-degree. Besides, I had no idea - none at all - what I wanted out of life. Watching how my brother’s world expanded, even at a small regional college, opened my eyes to so many unimagined possibilities. Yay, Bob.

1979

As I look back on this semester, I realize how little time I have spent on my dissertation. I need to start being more interested in that. But then, this semester I have spent so much time on other things — the independent study paper, the ill-fated HERJ article. I should maybe re-write that, somehow. “Somehow” is a little at a time. Tuesday or Wednesday I want to sit down and map out the work for the next month.

I learned a lot about myself this year - mostly my weaknesses and limits. I have gotten overcommitted. Worse yet, I have committed myself to things I never wanted to do!

It is time to work; if I want anything at all, it is time to work. Tomorrow, neh?

1981

Closing out this notebook at last. I’ve had the next one ready for two weeks, at least. What a lot has happened since it was started, over 1 1/2 years ago. The trips to NY, New England and Wisconsin. Finishing my PhD. Marley’s death. That wonderful visit from my brother and Bonnie and Mom last Christmas. Bo and Bonnie’s baby. And now, our baby.

It makes me wonder what will happen in the next 1 1/2 years. I guess my main interest is that Jim and I will still be together, growing in our love and family. We’ll have a son or daughter, who will be taking our time and changing our lives.

Last night I watched a really good program about Margaret Mead. It was especially interesting how being a mother helped focus her interests on the present and the future. I wonder how it will effect me? I’d like to end up energized and more far-sighted, but I suspect it isomer likely to tire me out and make me more focused about immediate, day-to-day concerns. In many ways, I welcome the change. It’s an excellent excuse to revise the priorities of my life, just like dinner invitations make you clean house.

I worry that the baby won’t be healthy. I don’t know how I’d I react to anything less. Most of my fantasies and dreams feature a bright, healthy child like my nieces. Some nights a girl, some nights a boy. Whatever. What I really dread is twins.

1982

It’s a measure of how busy I am that it’s so long between entries. I finally have all my shopping done for Christmas, and all wrapped, too. It dawned on me today that by the time Kiddo really gets to know me as person, I will be different person. She’s never going to know me as a graduate student, or a waitress, or a teenager. Just an old(er) woman.

Comment 2023

Maybe this project will help.

1997

My last church council meeting as chair. It feels good. Good to know that I now have Tuesdays free again, good to know I don’t have the weight of that responsibility any more, and good to know that I managed to accomplish some good in the position.

I certainly got to know people in the congregation better, including the minister. I don’t think he is the right minister for us right now, or at least for me. But he is ours for now, and has helped us move in some very positive directions.

Strange how finding UUCSS was such an important event, the beginning of so many essential relationships.

2015 (Facebook)

Sometimes it seems that grading is infinite, like the Universe. But not as cool.

2017

Today is Saturday.

I am in the Hillandale Starbucks, waiting for my ride to the trivia semi-finals. Jim’s a church meeting and then is going to a memorial service. Tomorrow we get to see the Washington Revels for the first time in about twenty years.

Yesterday, I wrote a poem. I dislike fruitcake, but I can still be empathetic.

Unrequited love, fruitcake edition.

Here I am.
Studded with candied bits,
Heavy with rum and honey,
Fragrant and rich.
Made for you.
Love me.

Your stickiness disgusts me.

Too sweet, too moist,
Clinging to my teeth.
You make me shudder.
Begone!

Here I am.
I’ll win you over yet.
Just a bite;
Love me.

Come to the party;
You’ll find a lover there.
I’ll watch, savoring a snickerdoodle.

I was made for you.
If you will not have me, 
Leave me for the birds.
Farewell.

12/15/2017