1966 (Mexico)
Fie on the “brother love”. I went to party with Juan. At first I explained to him (or tried to) that I didn’t like him as much as he likes me. He seemed very hurt, so I got soft. Later in the evening he said, “Do you know who loves you?” It turned out he SAYS he’s in love with me. And must have kissed me 200 times. At first I didn’t like it, but it kind of grows on you. I don’t know if I love him. I guess I don’t. But I do like him.
Went to the pyramids and climbed the biggest one. Oh, I was scared. We also saw a gorgeous Italian boy.
Comment 2023
Please tell me I’m not the only one underwhelmed by the first several hundred kisses from a person who really liked me.
1978
If I could, with a whisper,
Speak to tomorrow’s children,
What would I say?
What can I offer, from this
Crude, obsolete life?
What would quicken their pulses
With its haunting intimacy?
“You live…so did I.
I died and so will you.”
In between lie beauty and pain.
Not mine, or yours, but ours.
If I could only feel comfortable with lines like that written in a paragraph. The staggered format does not make poetry out of awkward prose. I want to write “Madame Bovary”, or “The Road Not Taken”. Oh, hell. Words are not really my tools, I think. I have ideas, but ideas must be made visible to be useful!
Comment 2023
Angsty grad school Jo is getting on my nerves.
1985
I’m really going day by day, waiting for kitchen plans from Jim, waiting for estimators, getting through the hot, muggy weather, waiting to hear about my surgery date. Last night, talking to a friend, I learned that she, too, had a cone biopsy several years ago, before she had her first child. So there’s hope. Sometimes I just feel so down about it. But then I realize that this year would be too soon for a second kid. The uncertainty is driving me crazy. As usual.
My library schedule is lovely and fun. Yesterday I went to White Oak and looked at just baby clothes and play clothes in the Sears catalogs on microfilm. I can go maybe 10 more years, taking me up to the 1920s. Enough to base a Costume Society paper on for Indianapolis. At Beltsville, I hope I can do the rest of the federal reports (1919-1930 and 1942- present). The office work is slipping, but let it, for a while. Come Sept. 1 I want to be spending an hour a week at White Oak. If I can do 3 years a week, it will take me the rest of the school year to come up to the present. Wednesday I’ll be at Beltsville Library, except for one day a month which will be a mental health day! There’s enough at Beltsville to keep me real busy at least through the end of the semester. By September I can really start to write. Maybe have 2 or 3 articles done and submitted by the end of the semester. My teaching evaluations were lower this year, for History of Textiles. I don’t know if it’s me, stale material, or the new mix of students (so many non-majors!) Have to think about it next year, as I do it.
Comment 2023
A little story about the kitchen renovation in 1985. While we were in Canada that August, the kitchen in our newly-purchased fixer-upper somehow became soaked with water from the cabinets to the floor. We came home to the stench of mold. “Somehow” was probably my mother. She had stayed overnight at our place by herself before leaving for Canada, and admitted to “tidying up” around the sink before the airport shuttle arrived. All we know is that “somehow” the kitchen faucet got dislodged, causing water to spray all over the kitchen for the next ten days. We couldn’t be too angry; thanks to the insurance company, we got new cabinets, counters, and floors out of it. Thanks to being able to do all the work ourselves, we also got a DISHWASHER, our very first!
1986
After two lovely summer days with cool, cool nights, the mugginess returned today. No matter. Out here in John’s house in the Connecticut countryside, it’s been more comfortable than I’ve been in months. Tonight it is damp, but I can live through it.
Tomorrow we go on to New York, the last leg of our trip. Connie wants to talk about pregnancy, childbirth, and babies. They are trying to decide. Now is a better time to ask me than 6 months after Kiddo was born. I had just had a very easy pregnancy, a short but not real difficult labor and a model baby. This time around, labor and baby are still a mystery, but pregnancy is much less comfortable than my first.
If I only had my son to hold, to count his toes and marvel at the scent of his skin. My second child, my last child. Always the youngest, like me, like Jim. I love you.
1989
Mom is now better, back at home, and the summer is drawing to a close. There’s one week left here, then two weeks of vacation travel, a week of preparation for school, then…bam! School starts!
Kiddo 2 starts nursery school tomorrow, just 3 mornings this week.
I’m trying to work out a schedule for myself. Basically, it’s going to be mornings in the department, afternoons in the dean’s office, I think. That will be easier to remember than anything else. 9-5 each day (approx), 9-12 upstairs, 1-5 downstairs. Start with alternate Thursdays working at home, work up to every Thursday if possible. Can I do it? Yes! I am feeling very confident about the job right now.
Comment 2023
Mom’s third major bout of depression, that I know of. This time we managed to keep her at home with us until the meds kicked in. I was also easing myself into a part-time appointment as acting assistant dean of my college. Whew.
2003
Callander, Ontario. We are visiting Bob and family, and it’s been a houseful. Bonnie’s parents and brother Todd are here, as well. So eating and driving anywhere have been a challenge, but overall it’s been wonderful getting to know them. (And getting reacquainted with my niece and nephew.)
I wish we lived closer to Bob, as this drive is really NO fun.
Comment 2023
Seventeen hours by car.
2015
My goal for this week is to direct all problem-solving energy to my Age Appropriate project. That doesn’t mean all the time, but it does mean having a relaxed, open, and even playful mind as much as possible.
What this feels like with my senses:
Sight - - enjoying the view, without taking a photo
Sound - - not shutting out nature sounds with music on my earbuds
Smelling - - enjoying my food before I taste it
Tasting - - eating slowly, savoring
Touching - - Ink on paper when I write, not all keyboard
Comment 2023
Sometimes just reading this stuff wears me out.