August 24
My life lacks order; I cannot discipline myself.
1975
What a summer! What an exciting, wonderful, delicious summer! My half-baked plans of being a “professional craftsperson” were thwarted, luckily. Instead I taught arts and crafts at the Rhode Island Association for the Blind, kids 7 to 17. A very demanding 4 weeks, of driving nearly an hour and 3/4 each day, running myself ragged, and having to deal with the reality of kids. Kids who are taught as nails, like Larry, Michael, and Ramon, who won’t take any shit. Kids who are gentle and fragile like Charlie and Christine and won’t take any shit. And kids like Melissa, Michael J and Jacqueline, who are just fine and still won’t take any shit. Fascinating.
It’s hard to think about the RIAB job now, even though it’s only three weeks old. Strange - - I look back so often, yet all that interests me at any point in time is the future.
The future: I am teaching design again, and trying to be more prepared this time. I am settling into a thesis topic: historic, vaguely social and with little to do with clothing. Nothing, in fact! The impact of the first woolen mill on the children of South County, R.I. Really a half-assed notion. It isn’t shaped yet.
I’m mostly trying to gear up, steel myself for the year. So I’ve read a lot, done dishes when I wanted to sleep, gone to the library when I wanted to watch soap operas. All my petty sins, my habits born of a non-productive life. Ten days from now I kiss it good-bye and go headlong into another year of stuffing my brain.
I really could be something. Perhaps I should have gone to a very strict private school. Or done more in Girl Scouts. Or been punished more often. My life lacks order; I cannot discipline myself.
Today (Sunday) I had gooey sticky buns for breakfast and read the paper with Jim, then finished Anthony Quinn’s book by 4 pm (Started it yesterday). Then started Nicholson’s “Portrait of a Marriage”. I am enjoying autobiographies. They remind me how much time other people “wasted” in seemingly pointless situations.
Comment 2024
I have read this journal entry many times over the years. It brings back so many deep moments from those years between waitressing and the PhD. The two years in Rhode Island pursuing my master’s degree were full of challenge, discovery, and growth. This entry was written on one of those days when everything just paused for a moment. In that moment, I recorded exactly where and who I was 49 years ago.
1980
Yesterday I went shopping for “professor” suits. Actually, just nice work clothes. I did pretty well. I got a dress, blouse, and skirt on sale for $48 (before sale, $110). All transitional styles and colors. I really like the new (actually old, classic) styles for fall, but figure I’ll stop by in about month and see what’s been marked down. I especially need a suit and another good pair of trousers. Also a handbag of some kind and a new pair of loafers. That should do me for this year.
It’s been a little hard getting back to full time teaching. In a way, if feels like I am just back to square one, since it’s all the same classes I was teaching as an instructor four years ago.
1981
The proposal has been returned, all approved and ready to go. This Friday I’ll take it down to NEH. Oh Boy!!
Pregnancy scares me a bit. At the same time, it’s an adventure. A journey. It looms ahead of me, like adolescence once did. Of course, it’s more complicated…
1982
Since the last entry (8/3) we took a week-long trip to New England and then Connie and Jack came to visit. Both were very good times, with Kiddo on her best behavior. It appears that mornings are not going to be real productive for a while. I get up at 6 or 6:15, fix lunch and eat breakfast and feed Kiddo. That plus a diaper change or two takes me to almost 7 AM. She’s awake for another 30-60 minutes and I like to spend that time with her, playing. When she dozes off, I have about two hours to:
Exercise, pack for the day
Get dressed
Wash the breakfast dishes
Do whatever else has to get done (reading, for example)
“Whatever else” tends to slip off the list.
I’d like to be ready to go at 10, so I can just feed her and put her in the car.
1997
Kiddo 2 and I are escaping to Cunningham Falls today. Later I will make peach pie, if peaches are available at Pryor’s Orchard. One more week until “fall” begins for me and the kids. How can we savor it? (Besides peach pie?)
1998
My, look at that! Nearly an entire month since I wrote. Well, it was a busy month, as expected. First, UUMAC, which went well and it was fun. Then the second Web Initiative in Teaching workshop, which very invigorating and tiring, like the first one. Then a few days home and off to the Eastern Shore and Busch Gardens, Which brings me to now.
And suddenly, it’s the last week before school starts! What happened to summer? Here and gone. But it was happy and busy. Kids grew inside and out. I am now looking forward to my sabbatical beginning in earnest.
At the beginning of the summer, I had a list of 10 things I needed to really enjoy the season. I’ve done all of them, though the last (visit beautiful gardens) was rather haphazard. I did do that, here and there.
Kiddo 2 is missing only two on his list: the Blockbuster bike trip and the Playstation party. Kiddo 1 got what she wanted: two trips to Rehoboth, a Spanish class, Driver Ed, the drama workshop and earning some money. She doesn’t share much with me these days, and if I try to strike up a conversation I feel like I’m intruding.
1999
After a month on this schedule, I am realizing that my week will fill quickly if I am not VERY careful! Kiddo 1 seems to be doing well on campus, and I am certainly enjoying MY freedom. I haven’t felt like getting up and lingering at home; I tend to be up and out. Like today, it’s 8:15 and I am ready to leave.
2014 (Star Island)
Woke to sunrise. My room faces north, and I can see all of sunrise and the right edge of sunset in the evening. There is a racket of birds in the morning. Then a child’s voice, “Hello, Mommy”, as the little girl in the next room woke up.
Silent coffee on the north-facing porch for about an hour, then a chat, a new friend, then breakfast with her.
Star Island, arrival and day one:
Peace, joy, sprinkled with terror and regret
Exhaustion
Noisy dinner; terror and regret return
Companionable evening
Exhaustion and the sleep of angels
Sunrise, seagulls, waves and voices
Coffee and peace as the mind wanders
Planning my next visit (!!)
Breakfast, including the very best sausages
Walking the island
Planning to come back as a volunteer (!!!)
Visit the marine lab
Planning to retire here (!!!!)
(I assume the final stage will be planning to have my ashes scattered here.)
Watercolor workshop
Lunch with the watercolor people; fabulous bean soup
More good conversation
Nappish hour
Read a chapter from Gift from the Sea
Watching giant bubbles from the porch
The smell of bread baking in the kitchen
Watching the swallows swoop and catch their insect meals. How do they do it?
Walk to the Art Barn and watch the swallows swoop and sip from the pond.
Reading (Maisie Dobbs)
The lack of internet is only a minor problem. Teensy.
Back to the porch.
Social hour and three glasses of wine (yipes!)
Dinner with good companions.
More drawing.
Early to bed, because sunrise is where it’s at.
The stairway to my room. My window. The view from my window. The legendary porch. The Art Barn. Giant bubbles.
