1965
I was a good girl today. I did what Mom told me to do. I went to Caldor with Bob, too. I had to get the play "Othello" for English and I couldn't find it. I got a book about tax swindlers and loopholes for my next book report. I wish I could buy one of those detective novels with the nude ladies on the cover. Crazy? Sex maniac? No, not quite - just curious. Kind of intriguing, you might say.
1973
Now I meet the youngest, Rosemary…she’s great and her husband, Bob, is so nice. Also I met Dorothy…she is so far gone, it’s like she isn’t even a member of the family…so tragic and sad. I’m afraid I hurt her feelings by not going to the park with her, but I really thought she was taking a nap. I never meant to hurt her, but it seems so easy to do. It’s really as if I came back too late for Grandfather… his weakness is so sad, this constant bewilderment. He knows what he once was; he can still remember and it hurts. He’s like a child, yet not a child. I can’t help but love him.
I called Jim tonight…this separation is so strange. Now that I’ve heard his voice, I miss him all that much more, and Marley, too. Home in three days. Wow, I just love everyone.
Comment 2006
Yes, I used to flip through books looking for the "juicy" parts. Thank you, all the young couples I babysat for, for supplying what my small town library would not.On the other hand, I have no idea what my book report selection was. Or why!
Comment 2023
We stayed with Rosemary and Bob while we were in Sacramento. She was the youngest of Mom’s six sisters, and was the first to be widowed, about ten years later, when Bob died suddenly in his sleep. She traveled east to visit us after that, so we got to know each other fairly well. In her later years she because quite politically conservative, which strained her relationship with both Mom and me.
Aunt Dorothy is a bit of a mystery to me, since I only saw her twice in my entire life. According to Mom, she was the star of the family - the cleverest, the best student - until she was injured in an accident during the war. She was working with some kind of equipment and experienced a near-fatal electric shock. When she came home, she worked for a while as an elementary school teacher. When she left (lost?) that job, she lived with us for a very short time, until she nearly set the house on fire while ironing clothes. Eventually she moved in with my grandparents, until they needed as much help as she did. For the last decades of her life she lived in an adult group home.
When we visited in 1973, she was reportedly very excited and looked forward to taking me to the park to play, thinking I was still four years old. She stared at me all the way through lunch and then lay down on the sofa and “napped” until it was time for her to go.
At twenty-four, I had absolutely no experience in dealing with elderly or cognitively impaired people, and this part of the trip was - dare I say it - traumatic. My mother could deal with it by discussing their situation with her other sisters, but I could only listen and try to absorb what they were saying. Add to this the weird relationship between Rosemary and Lois, the other sister who lived nearby. They did not get along at all, to the extent that I did not see them together during the entire visit. I did observe how Grandmother played each one against the other in their absence, which gave me some insight into the toxic dynamics in Mom’s family. When Rosemary visited, she got an earful about all the wonderful things Lois was doing, and how far Rosemary’s attentions fell short. Exit Rosemary, enter Lois, and Grandmother would do the same thing in reverse. Mom saw it, too, and admitted to me that her mother had done that to all seven girls for most of their lives. They were all disappointments in some way: Dorothy never married, Lois had no children, three of them had “nervous breakdowns”. The ones who lived nearby didn’t visit enough; the ones who lived far away didn’t call or write as often as they should.
Mom also told me that she knew she could be as critical and sharp-tongued as her mother, and tried not to pass that along to me. That was the start of our adult relationship, as I began to forgive her for the times she slipped into her mother’s ways.
Upper row: Left, Aunt Lois and her eventual ex-husband. Right, Grandmother and Aunt Dorothy
Lower row: Left, Grandmother. Right Grandfather
1979
That was one exhausting day, mostly because of those horrible “nice-looking” shoes. I have been a rotten person for the last two days, saying nasty things about everyone I can think of. What a horrible person I am! Just because I am anxious about the end of the semester. I should calm down. I should calm down. I should calm down.
1980
After my first trip to the Counseling Center, I wonder why I hesitated. His job consists of finding patterns in the things that trouble me, So far he has pointed out my insistence on living up to certain unstated external criteria. My worries about other people’s expectations are very destructive, since I will never know what their expectations are and can only meet them by accident. What are MY expectations?? I expect to be finished with my PhD in August. Writing should be easier once the semester is over - which it almost is. Right now I can do some writing, but not as much as later. Then watch me! But if I need to put writing off for a bit to get grading done or to relax, I will. (So there).
1997
Sarah suggests the “zen” of make-up. I need to consider that one a bit. I can see her point, but make-up hasn’t been “fun” or even a pleasant indulgence since I was a teen. So let me think about that. It is a cool, windy day. I have a recruiting event today on campus, so must dress up and look decent. Does make-up figure in this?
Comment 2024
I threw out my make-up when I retired.
Retirement can free us from the tyranny of the "shoulds" :)
I love that little "(So there.)" in 1980. It's so you!